Goldberry Cottage

Jonah Day

2012-02-08T14:58:00.003-09:00

It is so easy as a parent to forget that we set the tone for how our family begins the day. When I was single and only had a career to consider, it was relatively easy to plan ahead for most contingencies...o.k....except for the occasional parent jumping out of the box when I arrived at school because of a well-crafted tale spun by a twelve year old. But, for the most part, I was ready to go.

Now that I live in the real world of family, job, etc., the planning ahead often becomes "let the current take you where it will". We all have this experience, but it is so important to remember that sometimes as we go screaming down the river with that current, a child, spouse, or neighbor is being taken down it screaming with us.

Anne of Green Gables called such days "Jonah Days". Remember Jonah...gets called to do a great work which involved showing truth with compassion to people he really did not like...ran away (boy! can I relate to that!)...got caught in a sinking ship, thrown overboard, swallowed whole by a great fish, puked up on a beach, etc. Then, after doing what he should have done in the first place, still could not find the compassion and was instead only concerned that his little bit of comfort was taken away.

Well. My day does not seem all that bad now. In the process though, I felt myself tearing up in a vice-principal's office and feeling like a small child. MY little bit of comfort was being taken away. Perspective helps, so I decided to write it out in the blog.

I am in the process of decision making regarding my career development. I need to go back to work full-time. Why? Well...my family needs me to do that. I need something to at least give me the illusion of retirement and medical benefits. On the purely selfish side, I happen to like having a career. I enjoy knitting and cooking, but I like the mental stimulation of the work place as well. If I were rich, I would open a tearoom and plan out lots of fun activities, host corporate and religious retreats, and teach children good manners. Since I am not, I am keeping to what I already know - teaching.

There are two paths that need exploring. The first will take time and involves getting recertified and going through the painstaking lengthy task of getting hired by the local school district in a time of economic bust. The second is to try for a full-time online job with the corporation for which I teach part-time.

All this rambling brings me to this morning. I had a scheduled phone interview for 9:30. I was prepared for it, so I do not know why I was stressed, but I was. I had to get Miriam to school. Uh oh...she is having trouble waking up. The little zombie gets down the stairs, but needs to "wake up a bit on the sofa". I leave her milk and a cheese stick nearby and lay out the clothes. I start to get myself ready while also calling the husband to wake him up. He has a different work schedule, but gets up to say good-bye every morning. Uh oh...he is having trouble waking up. I should have seen it coming.

Tension rises. Child doesn't want to eat. Milk gets spilled. I am not yelling, but am firmly insisting that child gets dressed. Leggings are not given child stamp of approval. Next set of pants are stained from mud. New leggings are finally chosen. Food is still not eaten. Now, we are running late and child has just started morning cuddle time with Daddy. Mommy is having rising Mommy tension and begins the lecture on how we live in the real world which is not set to our own personal biological clock. We finally get out the door, but the tension is now an aura around us. By the time we get to school, Miriam is really not in the hugging mood where I am concerned. So, I hug her, tell her I love her, and leave to get home in time for the interview.

The interview turns out to be the first round, so was short. Great. That means, if I make the cut, another next week. I hope I learn to manage the morning better so that I have time for relaxation techniques.

I decide to be sociable and head off to knitting group at my church. The church is a two minute drive. I fall on the ice going to the SUV. I then drop my knitting needles under the SUV. I finally am on the way and listening to NPR. As I turn in the church parking lot, somehow I run into a snow bank. I wonder if NPR is broadcasting some kind of subliminal hypnotic message because it was a ridiculous place to have this happen.

My husband cancels a dental appointment to come pull me out. In the meantime, conversation turns a bit political in the knitting group. (On a side note, if any presidential candidate took up knitting, I suspect he would win easily in the MatSu Borough.) I, of course, open my big mouth to express my opinion just as I am going out the door to try to get the SUV out. I decide to just go home where I eat three pieces of chocolate and put an ice pack on my hip and back which are reacting to the fall.

Is there such a thing as some kind of psychic bond with one's child? Probably not. Probably it was just my own tension this morning and the fact that she had no breakfast. Eating jelly beans with food coloring yesterday probably did not help either. Whatever it was, I enter a classroom with no Miriam. She is eating lunch in the office because she had a morning full of meltdowns and then refused to wash her hands at lunch. Sigh....

So that is how I ended up trying not to tear up in the vice principal's office, who is one of the nicest administrator's I have ever met. She handled Miriam perfectly. It was a Jonah Day all around.

Next time, I need to work on the mental discipline to at least give my family the illusion that I am not rushed, not tense, not worried that I am going to have no time to transition to work. After all, if we act like something is true, very often it becomes reality.

Thinking Ahead

2012-01-15T17:19:00.002-09:00

Well the holidays are over. I still haven't taken done the tree, but hopefully that will get done this week. I should not be thinking about Pascha (Easter) just yet, but I guess I just want to think Spring in the midst of horribly below normal temperatures and a world of white.

I experimented with some candy making today which made me think about alternative "treats" to the annual Easter Egg hunt. Not that I want to ruin the fun! To the contrary, I know that my child likes the candy haul, but actually gets satiated pretty quickly. We do not allow the open candy box even on holidays. About half has a good chance of ending up in the circular file unless it is chocolate.

My abstract random brain was wandering down its usual rabbit trail when it came upon...a rabbit. A small knitted rabbit. Or maybe it was felted. I started to envision a whole new Easter Egg hunt. A child dressed in his Pascal best finds an egg. It is a good sized pink egg that when he opens it up, the tiny rabbit hatches out. "Oh!" thinks the child, "something different. Something I can play with!" At another tree, a little girl in her Easter bonnet finds another egg, out of this one comes a homemade chocolate covered butter cream eggs. Yum! No artificial junk, just butter, sugar, and chocolate. Some of the eggs are plastic. Some are felted or knitted. Some just have nice secret messages like "Christ is Risen!" Some have little toys or prayer bracelets or tiny crosses or homemade goodies.

Sigh...it probably would take too much work. It is probably a bit too non-traditional. Probably better stick with the jelly beans. But one can wish.

Message and Medium

2012-01-10T17:16:00.002-09:00

Spoken communication has never been my strong point. When I was in school, from late elementary until my senior year in high school, I would literally hyperventilate if I had to talk in front of the class.

Writing however gave me an easier outlet. Perhaps it was because I could take time to actually formulate my message. It gave me a safeguard so that I didn't say something totally offensive or stupid off the cuff. Even as a teacher, I planned out my lesson and was usually comfortable with my topic.

I am an introvert. In order to communicate my ideas effectively, I really have to let them stew for a bit and formulate HOW to say what I need to say. Which brings me to the my thoughts today.

Electronic media has given me a whole new challenge. Yes, it allows a wait time. Yes, it is mostly written. However, it still has the tone of a conversation, especially social media. I forget sometimes, especially if I feel strongly about what or how something is being communicated, to wait and think out the response. I always think I am being diplomatic, but, when communicating with people who may have strong emotions, I usually end up coming across as being oppositional.

The irony in all this is that often, not always, I may agree with 90% of what is being said. It is the tone of communication that goes against my grain. Most people remember that now famous Seinfeld episode with the "Soup Nazi". The man in question had the best soup in the city. People would stand in line for hours to get that soup. But he was also was downright oppressive and nasty. Elaine breaks the "rules" for getting the soup because she is determined not to be pushed around. Of course, she ends up being on the outs with the Soup Nazi. We all laugh at that. Why? Because we know that there is a truth to the situation. There are those who enjoy having power, even if they just own a soup stand. We will submit to a lot to be part of a group, to join the bandwagon, to get something good.

Introvert that I am, I have a bit of Elaine in me. I don't like bossiness - not even from legitimate bosses. I do like respect - not just for me, but for everyone. You see, I think that a good message reaches more people when presented in a pleasant, respectful package. There is an old saying, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." I think this is particularly true in some areas that are very sacred. Parenting, family issues, personal habits, religion, and politics are such areas where pleasantness and appropriate boundaries can go along way to advancing a message. I might be able to have a conversation about my faith to someone who is open to discussing it, but if I take my dogma and use it to make others feel in anyway diminished, then any truth in my message will probably be lost.

So, I am reminding myself to hold back, listen, and, only if necessary, formulate a response that actually draws people to the message instead of pushing them away.

A fairy story

2012-01-05T16:01:00.002-09:00

Once upon a time, there was a little fairy. She was a bit wild as fairies tend to be, but in a nice way. She had a big heart for such a little person. Because of her big heart, she had a hard time handling the big feelings that came its way. When she was happy, she danced and sang and laughed loudly.

"Shush!" said the bigger fairies. "Calm down! It isn't the right time for that!"

When she was frustrated or angry, she felt like she would just explode. Sometimes, she would just kick or hit the nearest thing. Even when it was her favorite fairy friend. She was always sorry later. She knew that she should have controlled her feeling, but just had not figured out how to do it. You see, she hadn't grown into the right size for such a big heart yet.

Once, she had a wonderful week with her Mommy and Daddy fairies! Usually, they had to work. They worked a lot. They often worried - especially Mommy fairy. They both were often tired. But this week, there was no work and no worry and everyone could rest when they needed to. They played games and went special places and just ....were.

When the week was over, the little fairy was sad. She had a wonderful week and did not want it to end. She also had a wish that had not yet been fulfilled. She had wished and wished that during the wonderful week, she would be able to visit her old granny. "No, we cannot do that this week" said her mother and father, "We do not have enough fairy treasure to go that far away."

The time came for the fairy child to go back to school and her parents to go back to work. She was feeling lots of things at once. She did not want Mommy and Daddy to go back to work and get tired again. She wanted to see her friends at school, but did not want to leave home. She still was wishing to see her old granny. So many feelings....

The night before school started again, she could not sleep. She could not lay still. She got out of bed for a drink. She got out of bed for a snack. She wanted her favorite song. Finally, she fell into a fitful sleep.

The next day was a good day. She got to see all her friends. She was tired, but worked very hard at being a good friend. Only when Mommy picked her up did she finally start to cry and cry and cry. She fell asleep on the way home.

The next day was a good day. Until Mommy picked her up. "Look what I got!" she told her Mommy. She held up what looked like money. "It is a million dollars! Now we can go see Granny!" Mommy looked at the money. It was not fairy money, but human money. It could not pay for the trip to see Granny. The little fairy started to get a little grumpy when leaving school, but took a good nap at home and felt better. Then, evening came. Daddy fairy was tired from work and dozed off. Mommy fairy was working, working, working. No one was there to give the little fairy cuddles. She started to get grumpy again. She wanted her doll, but it was outside. Mommy said, "You cannot go out in the dark." Finally, Mommy finished work and took the little fairy to bed.

The next day was not a good day. The little fairy cuddled up to her Mommy before school. At school, her big feelings were overwhelming. She cried at snack time. She cried at play time. She cried at rest time. She cried at story time. She wanted her Mommy. Finally, Mommy came and they went home. The little fairy took a nap. When she got up, she cuddled with Mommy fairy for awhile and called her old granny on the fairy phone and talked a long time. She felt better.

The other fairies at the fairy school wondered about the little fairy. Why did she have so many big feelings? Maybe it is something she ate too much of. Maybe her mother or father has big feelings. Maybe they do not know enough about little fairies - after all, they only have the one. Maybe they give little fairy too much attention or too many toys or....there must be something wrong.

Sometimes, Mommy fairy worried too. She tended to worry about what others thought too much. Afterall, she wanted to have friends in the fairy forest too. Maybe it would be better just to agree with them all. But, no, she knew that little fairy was very special. She had a big heart. She just needed to grow into those big feelings. Then, she would still have great joy, great love, and great sorrow, but would be able to keep them in more and handle them gently.

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T09:47:00.002-09:00

Bob and Miriam have gone to church as I sit here pondering what I need to do in the food department to prepare for the big day. We decided that Bob would take Miriam today, and I would go tomorrow with her since Bob is the chef for the main entree tomorrow.

I should be blogging about something more sacred on such a day, but instead I am working out my thoughts to the menu. And you know what? That's perfectly fitting! Tomorrow is one of the three most important Christian Feast days of the year. (The other two being Pascha and Theophany.)

This year, we have decided to be a bit different. Instead of the traditional ham, we are going a bit Victorian. No, I have quite worked myself up to goose yet. Instead, we are slow roasting a very fine cut of beef. Really slowly roasting for hours at what I think is a scandalously low temperature. But Bob has researched it well in his tome of recipes from America's Test Kitchen.

I have also had a request for figgy pudding. Now, I was thinking, "O.K...I can do this. I will just make a spice cake with some dried fruit in it." Nope. The request is for real, boiled figgy pudding like Mrs. Cratchit would have made. It will be an adventure. I have the figs and brandy. I don't have dates, but am going to use currants and dried apricots. That has to soak overnight.

Just in case the figgy pudding isn't all it is sung to be, a pecan pie and maybe some gingerbread are also going in the oven today. I also promised Miriam that I would make lemon curd. We love lemon curd, and it also makes a great hostess gift for any last minute parties one is invited to. If I am really brave, I might make some linzer cookies with lemon curd filling...maybe some with homemade raspberry jam filling too.

That just leaves the side dishes, which have almost become an afterthought. We are considering Yorkshire pudding. I think we shall have mashed potatoes, sauerkraut, and beets; all from our summer harvest. I probably should throw in some broccoli as well.

Well, I guess I better stop writing about it and get to work! This house needs some nice sweet, spicy smells to waft around it and add to the already too-much-to-bear excitement of Christmas Eve.

Finished!

2011-12-20T16:13:00.004-09:00

Bubbe's Prayer Shawl

Well, I actually finished a knitting project! I only shared with a couple of friends that I was even doing this because I was so paranoid that I wouldn't finish. I had to start over about 5 times, but once I was in the groove, it went pretty quickly. I wanted something easy to make for my mother that would also be meaningful. I know that she already has a Tallit that her friends from the Messianic Jewish congregation that she attends gave her for her 80th birthday, but I wanted to make one that she could use just to put around her shoulders to keep warm as well.

The interesting thing about knitting a prayer shawl is that it reminded me to pray, especially in the beginning when I had to keep taking it out and starting over. In Orthodoxy, we have what is called the Jesus Prayer. It goes like this, "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner." As I look back on my knitting, and the times I tried to pray that while I knitted, I thought about how our prayers are rather ragged and stumbling at first, too. It takes discipline and practice to get into the rhythm of calling on God throughout our life.

My knitting got to the point where I could, almost, do it without thinking. That is supposed to be the goal of prayer as well. That we get to the point where we are doing it as naturally as breathing. I am still in the stumbling around stage. Knitting the prayer shawl reminded me though that I need not stay there forever.

Teaching How to Give

2011-12-13T15:34:00.005-09:00

Today, I walked into Miriam's classroom to see the big kindergarten table being prepared for a craft. The children were seated and sanding some small round pieces of wood that they have cut themselves (using a hand saw) from a branch and drilled a hole into (using a hand drill). One little boy said, "But you can't see this!" I told him I would close my eyes. The children then went on to make some cinnamon-applesauce dough ornaments.

What brought joy to my heart was seeing the children creating things to give to others - with great enthusiasm. They wanted to surprise parents. They were finding joy in both creating and giving.

We do buy most of our presents. However, I also want Miriam to learn to give from her heart and from her talents. One talent that she has is drawing. The drawings below are 5 year old drawings, but they were created to give to some special people in her life. I worked with her to make the cross necklace for her Bubbe (grandmother), but she helped choose the materials and threaded most of it.

Who knew there were nine nights in Hannukah? ;-)

This is for Ms. Jill, the teacher's aide in Miriam's class.

A Nativity for her most loved Shoshanna.

The toddler who lives in our apartment.

We are so grateful to the Fr. Ephraim, Kh. Elaine, and Shoshanna

for always joyfully accepting works of art without any sign

of annoyance or fatigue. :-)

A cross for Bubbe.

The point of this post is not to child-brag. It is to demonstrate that children are so full of generosity naturally. We need to teach them how to use that love in ways that are meaningful and thoughtful and creative.

However, part of nurturing that generous, giving spirit that is natural in children is to accept what they can give. It will not be perfect. It may be slightly irritating like a kiss from a sticky, jammy face. It may be something you immediately throw away when the child is out of sight. But while the child is there, you accept it as the love that is truly behind it. I say this because I have seen adults who complain about things children make that are "useless" or not wanted. I even once saw someone refuse a flower (or weed) that my three year old offered as a gift. It was not done maliciously. It was just a lack of truly knowing what the gift is. It is not a weed. It is not a scribble. It is not a meaningless craft. It is love.

So this season, let us teach our children to give. And let us teach them through our own example how to truly receive.

Advent with Our Child

2011-12-11T22:24:00.005-09:00

I have been so busy trying to embrace Simplicity that I have neglected my blog. That's o.k. Part of my goal is only to do what needs to be done or is bringing joy at the time. The needs to be done really does take a lot of time, especially this time of year.

One of the needs to be done items is really taking time to enjoy my child. We are pretty well caught up with our Jesse Tree stories. I love listening to her thoughts on Bible stories.

On Adam and Eve: "Why didn't they just ignore the Enemy? Why did they do what he said?"

On the divided kingdom of Israel and Judah, I told her most of the kings of that time were bad. "What were the names of all the good ones?" (Perhaps I should reread the books of Kings.)

On the story of Solomon and the women claiming the same baby: "Why couldn't the mother whose baby died just bury her own baby and adopt a new one? That way, she could adopt a girl which would be a lot better. Boys don't know as much and whine and are not as helpful, so it would be better to have a girl." That was a tough one since I was trying not to laugh and was not sure exactly what to say.

We also are reading our newest chapter book each night. My brother, and Miriam's god-father, has written a trilogy of fantasy books for children called The McGonnegal Chronicles. (We had a McGonnegal who was our great, great-grandmother who came from County Cork, so this is a neat book for our family.) Anyway, it is completely satisfying my child's imagination at the moment. She has also started reflecting on what imagination is. She realizes that some children believe in things like fairies and others don't. It has opened up a number of conversations.

One day, she said, "Your imagination is like a window that let's you see other things and places. It is in the middle of your brain. That's why they call it (the land in Lord of the Rings) Middle Earth. Because you can see Middle Earth in the middle of your brain with your imagination."

She also has become increasingly interested in stories of Christian saints, especially those who had the level of holiness in which they could interact safely with wild animals. Saint Seraphim of Sarov befriended a bear. Now, I have told her many times that she is not to try to do this with wild animals. Saint Seraphim was extremely holy. How do you explain holiness to a child? I told her it is when you grow closer and closer to God all the time through prayer. You love those around you and try to keep from sinning. She said, "But I am trying so hard to do all that." Bless her! I am not sure of the motivation. It could be because she just wants to be able to be at peace with bears, but her heart moves toward God in spite of her evident passions.

She had a couple of rough days at school. When I spoke to her about them, she said, "I think it is because you have been forgetting to pray for me before school." So, we are working on slowing a bit in the morning to be able to do that. She also came up with the idea of wearing one of her cross necklaces to school. "It will be a reminder to listen and help me feel better about some things." She is the one who came up with that idea, not me.

Life with children should remind us of how we are to be. Open about who we are. Not putting on some kind of mask for everyone else. Most children are this way. We should feel wonder and desire for the things of God. We should be simple enough to know that prayer and wearing a cross to "remind" us can help us have a better day. We shouldn't be afraid to continuously ask questions. God doesn't mind our whys. He wants us to wonder and explore and grow closer to Him and rely on Him - just like a little children.

Simplicity Part I

2011-11-17T13:32:00.003-09:00

I was born into a meat and potatoes type of family. If there wasn't meat and several side dishes, it wasn't a meal. And holiday feasts? Well, just imagine a big old fashioned dining table that can sit about 10-12 people so laden with food that some had to be put on the hutch cupboard after being passed around.

Food became a ritual. It was sacred. So it should be. But there are times that we have to step back and simplify the ritual a bit. The focus becomes a bit less on the food and more on the people around us, on gratitude, and the peace that simplicity can bring.

The Nativity Fast (Advent) in our house cannot always be the strict monastic fast that follows the guidelines set forth (no meat, no dairy, no oil, no wine, no fish), because of some medical issues. So what we try to do is give up what we can and simplify the rest.

Today is one of those crazy days when Bob has a split shift. We are determined to still have one family meal together on these days, so end up eating around 2:30 - 3:00 pm. Miriam is not always very hungry at that point, but we are still keeping the sacredness of eating together. In my efforts at simplicity, we are having a tuna and rice casserole. It made me think what a blessing rice is! You can combine it with pretty much anything to make a meal. We like to add onions, corn, and peas and a can of cream of mushroom soup to the tuna and rice, but you can add some vegetable broth, any veggies on hand, and lentils or beans. It is simple. It is comforting and nourishing.

The best part is, for our little family, I can make a double batch, freeze half, and be ready to just heat it up next week. Yum!

I am thinking how else I can simplify our lives to provide more stillness and togetherness. I am going to think it all out here. I am already thinking about material things, celebrations, daily routines, etc. I would love to hear some ideas from others. I really think the Advent season can be a time of fun and joy and anticipation and still have a sense of stillness, peace, and reflection.

The Child's View of How Things Should Be

2011-11-15T19:02:00.002-09:00

On the first night of Advent, we had the story of Creation. I thought about reading it from the Bible, but taking a clue from how stories are told in the Waldorf method, I told it instead. Miriam participated by naming birds, fish, water mammals, and animals. I got ahead of myself and told the story of the creation of man. As I told how God delighted in it all, I explained that everything was beautiful and full of joy. No one hurt anyone else.

Miriam: You mean there were no carnivores?
MB: No.
Miriam: So a little child could ride on a lion.
MB: Yes.
Miriam, getting excited: So a little child could ride on a lion and play with a lion and the lion wouldn't chase her?
MB: That's right! That is how it was supposed to be. That is the way God planned it and wanted it. But something happened.
Miriam: I wonder what happened?
MB: You will have to think about it for a day or two. That's another story.
Miriam: I wonder why...

What are We Waiting For

2011-11-15T16:32:00.003-09:00

Today is the first day of Eastern Orthodox Advent. Sometimes, this period of fasting before the great feast of the Nativity is called the Nativity Fast or Little Lent. I still prefer the Western designation of Advent because the official definition is "the arrival of a notable person, thing or event."

I do not know how it came to be that an infant born in Judea under the Roman occupation in a stable (most likely a cave) could have become a notable person. There must have been something pretty spectacular about that infant who cried and wore diapers and was fed at a woman's breast the same as every other baby. Even if you are not a Christian, you must admit the odds of such a child still being notable over 2000 years later is pretty impressive.

So, I still call it Advent. Because I am waiting. I am preparing. I am praying. I am creating. I am determined to sieze all the joy of anticipation that I can. There are others doing the same thing all over the world in one huge family of faith.

What are we all waiting for? The baby already came. That was 2000 years ago. What are we waiting for today?

In the Old Testament, God gave the Israelites sacred times. Times to remember. Times to look ahead. Times that foreshadowed what was to come. The community lived in this Time. Time took on a new meaning - not seconds, minutes, hours, days - but participation in events, every time was now. When the Passover meal was eaten, they participated in that event, not just remembering the past, but reliving it, as well as looking ahead to something that was still in the shadowy future.

The Church, mostly made up initially of those from the Jewish community who believed that Jesus Christ was Messiah, was given new sacred times. Passover because Pascha (Easter in the West). There were new feasts, new remembrances which all became more than just symbols. It was a participation in what had been, what is, and what will be.

As we enter the Time of the Nativity Fast, waiting for the Advent, we relive that shadowy period of waiting of God's people in the time before. We cry out for the Messiah, the Redeemer. We fast and pray in repentance to prepare our hearts for Him. Yes, He has come, but we share in that Coming again every year as we wait for the Coming that is still in the shadowy future. We are outside of time in order to participate in the entirety of Eternity.

So how do I prepare? By starting within myself, then working with my family and my community. One of the first steps that has me feeling more ready to start is doing some cleaning. My housecleaning had gone by the wayside because of job, husband, child, church, volunteering....It was depressing me. Our icons which are on a bookshelf kept falling over. The shelves were dusty. So, we worked together to get things more organized and beautiful. I cleaned and fixed up the icon shelves and secured them with earthquake sticky tack. It has set just the right spirit to begin to wait.

Miriam and I are going to be doing lessons around the Jesse Tree this Advent. I had to add a few lessons and symbols since in the East there are 40 days to the Nativity Fast. We begin this evening with the Creation. We will be here in our living room, but we will also be there - In the beginning...with how it began and how it will be.

Christmas is Coming...

2011-11-13T09:38:00.002-09:00

If Ebeneezer Scrooge (before his redemption) had invented a holiday, it probably would look very much like Black Friday.

What! But Black Friday is when everything is discounted! We get to stand outside in the cold in a line around a building just to rush to get the absolutely cheapest stuff we can get to give to our families at Christmas! How could that even relate to Scrooge?

It does seem odd, doesn't it? But it is true! Look at who Scrooge was. He was a man whose heart was bound up in the material, the financial. It was cold and without any true meaning. What is Black Friday really? It is the retail world's way of getting rid of merchandise that they do not want. They are still probably making a profit - or at least a profit from other "stuff" that people are tempted to buy. The goal is money, not joy, not fellowship, not love. It is the almighty dollar. It is a chain with a cash box being added to the Spirit of the Age.

I understand that Black Friday fills a need. We want to give. I want to give gifts to all my family at Christmas. We can not afford to give to everyone. So, instead of something meaningful, we make sure every single person has a gift. It is a gift without meaning, but on on which a certain amount of coin was spent. It is the "thought" of "gift" that counts, not the gift itself. I understand. I have done it. I have enjoyed hitting those clearance tables with the best of them (although rarely on Black Friday).

The problem is reconciling the forces that threaten to sweep away any possible meaning to one of the holiest days of the year.

We want to give.

Presents are fun, but can easily stop being fun when they multiply rapidly.

Christmas is about joy.

Christ came to redeem us from those passions which are out of control.

Christ came to bring love, joy, and peace.

God wants us to give generously, but meaningfully, to our families and friends.

Giving should come from the heart.

Few of us are rich.

So, here is what I have been trying to slowly work on to bring this most wonderful time of the year away from being frantic and stressful (especially when the credit card comes in January), to being peaceful and joyful. I have been looking at my gift giving. After the paper chase of beautiful wrappings if over, will the person even care about the gift itself? Will it bring him/her comfort, lasting fun, or even joy? Will they connect the gift to my love for them or would a nice note do just as well? Did I get this because I HAD to give something and just got the cheapest thing possible or because I love the person and WANT to give something.

What about the budget? Here are some great ideas that do not cost a lot and probably have a lot more meaning that something seen in a Walmart flyer.

homemade goodies - They are enjoyed (hopefully). They are a gift of time. Making them can be a family event. They are consumable so do not add to the "what do we do with this?" issue two months later.

sewing - If you are crafty, make something. The things that I love or that my five year old daughter loves the most are things that were made for her. I am going to try to work this angle this year as long as it does not become a Monster of Christmas Present that ends up stealing my peace through the Nativity Fast.

events - Buy a family tickets to a local museum or zoo. Family gifts are great!

gift cards - yes this can be expensive, but doesn't have to be. Give me a $5 Starbucks gift card and, not only do I get one of my favorite things, but I realize that you actually know me.

Write - For those writers out there, how about writing a poem or story for someone you love. It doesn't have to be long. Maybe you aren't quite a writer. One year, because I knew that I could not "compete" with all the masses of presents that would be flowing my way, I bought a beautiful box for my mother and put slips of paper with all the things I wished for her. Write a letter, but make it personal. A friend of mine sends the usual Christmas letter, but always writes a personal note as well.

Read - get a recorder or computer and read a favorite story or sing a song or play a piece on an instrument as a gift for someone.

Fellowship - Have someone over for a meal or coffee or a party. Get to know them. One of the nicest things that Bob and I have experienced in Alaska is being welcomed into our neighbors' family for their big Christmas get together.

Etc. - Use your talent. Give of yourself. Ask yourself why you are buying that gift for that person. Is it because you like shopping yourself? Is it because it is the thing to do at Christmas? Or is it because you know that person, love that person, and that gift is just the perfect thing for the receiver to get?

Lots to think about. I am not there myself and I am sure to fall into buying within the budget and not necessarily taking the real questions in mind all the time. But it helps to stop and think about why we are doing what we are doing.

I write to myself as well as I work out what I want our lives to be like. I think in the past when I have broached this topic, it sounded like I was fishing for more expensive gifts. I do not want to give that impression. It is just some working out my own faith and values as well as hoping to help others do the same.

The Value of Words

2011-11-01T11:34:00.002-08:00

Today, I saw a couple of Facebook posts with homeschooling parents and children holding up "Occupy Education" signs. A couple mentioned "unschooling". There were other common words too - curiosity, freedom, creativity, myself, stifling, testing, etc.

I believe that our general public and private education systems, which are often surprisingly similar, do need reform. I don't think that the goal of education should be to have every child earn a "proficient" score on a multiple choice test. However, I think sometimes those of us who wish to see change and reform can become our own worse enemies. How? Through words.

One comment that I saw said something to the effect that signs that are "anti-school" do not help the cause of ending a system centered on standarized testing. I thought about that. She's right. Whatever you believe about your particular choice in educating your child, if you cling too tightly to the verbage of that particular camp, you are going to alienate a lot of people who can help change education as a whole for the better.

Some people believe that homeschooling is the ONLY way for parents to really be the primary educators of their children. I think, in many families, homeschooling is great! In others, it is horrible. I have seen this as a homeschool consultant in my early years of teaching in the private sector. (ie. "Oh, my kid can just go through the textbook, do the workbook, and check her own answers. I don't have time for directly teaching her. I have toddlers!" Yes, I have heard this. I have also seen fantastic parenting and teaching.)

When a homeschool parent, no matter how well it works for his/her children, clings to it as the only solution, we end up in little educational enclaves that deny the fact that we are all a part of a wider educational community. Our children will be part of a wider generation. Yes, our primary responsibility is to our own children, but that does not mean that we have no responsibility to the community around us. That includes how public education is shaped.

We need to know what is going on in public schools. We need to support good teachers stuck in a really dysfunctional system. We need to be aware of various methodology and pedagogy. There is a science and art to teaching and learning. By understanding various models as parents, we can make wise choices for our own children AND support wise change in the community around us.

I think to make this type of change happen, we have to be willing to step out of our box, our educational compound where we surround ourselves with people who think just like us, and learn the languages of the other camps. Not to judge. To evaluate. To grow. To sustain hope and optimism that curiosity, creativity, and joy in learning will not continue to wither.

Autumn Treats for Little Visitors

2011-10-25T12:20:00.003-08:00

Rainy days make good blogging days, so I am taking advantage of the opportunity. The rain is the grey drizzly Alaskan kind, the wind is blowing, and our kind neighbor is trying to fix the leak in our roof.

It is the perfect day for baking...or of thinking of a certain day on the calendar that is coming up. We do not "celebrate" certain aspects of Halloween. I like to call myself a Halloween moderate. We love autumn. We love dress up. We love treats. We even don't mind making lanterns out of vegetables. We just do not love celebrating or encouraging children to act out evil, scary personas. So, we do not go trick-or-treating.

On the other hand, we do hand out treats to those who come to our door. It is part of being a good neighbor, and we get the leftovers. Last year, I made clear homemade lollipops with candy corn in them. They were not perfectly round, but they had less additives and were very pretty.

This year, I am thinking of making whoopie pies - chocolate with pumpkin cream cheese filling and, perhaps, pumpkin with maple cream cheese and/or chocolate filling. Fun! I found one recipe here. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

(Thankfully, we live in a neighborhood where we all know each other. I actually remember the transition in my childhood from where we were receiving homemade treats like candy apples to the point where it was only store bought wrapped treats which my parents still went through to inspect.)

And what will we be doing while waiting to see how many of these wonderful treats are left for our overindulgence? We will have a family movie night. Fun without the frights!

One for the Memory Book

2011-10-14T22:05:00.002-08:00

On the way home from school Thursday, I asked Miriam what her favorite part of the day was.
"Everything!" Then after a bit of a pause, she said, "On our nature walk, there was this beautiful tree that had the most beautiful bark!"

I am so glad to have someone to remind me to stop and look at the bark on trees. Another night, she said, "Mommy, you HAVE to come look out my bedroom window right now!" The sky was full of pink clouds as the sun set behind the mountains. Spectacular sunsets are so "common" here that I sometimes forget just to bask in them. Oh to have that sweet wonder of childhood where the full moon or pink clouds or a birch tree can be the highlight of your day!

Later, on Thursday, we were on our way to JoAnn Fabrics. Miriam suddenly showed me that her skirt had a hole in it. It is a favorite skirt - Elven green in a prairie style. "Can you sew it?" I told her I would eventually, but how did she manage to rip a hole in it. Was she climbing trees again? "It was that tree with the beautiful bark. It was SOOOOO beautiful! I couldn't help climbing it."

There is still a part of me that understands. There is a part that, if my middle aged body could handle it, would be up in that tree with her. For now, I share her wonder and joy.

Sustainable Retirement

2011-10-07T13:48:00.002-08:00

While everybody with an economic issue gathers in whatever major city he/she is near, my thoughts again turn to retirement. Just thinking about retirement makes me feel old, but with the way things are going, that old dream of Social Security and a little bit more is pretty much a pipe dream.

So, I am think about how we are going to live out our retirement years in relative comfort. Although I would love that upper class dream of traveling the world in my golden years, I am far more practical. I want to be out of debt and able to live simply but comfortably. I want us to have the healthcare that we are going to need. That means that we are going to need not just a sustainable lifestyle, but income continuing to come in.

That is where our plan comes in. Of course, some of it depends on a big IF, but hopefully we can at least make some of it work in the next ten years to prepare. By the time Bob retires, we would like to have at least one acre of our property landscaped to include a small pasture and barn as well as the existing garden. We need all the garden and livestock areas fenced in with electric fence, but in an attractive manner that will not take away from the second part of the retirement dream.

That part involves taking advantage of Alaska's tourist economy and the beautiful recreational areas around here. We already have one apartment that within a year will be on the vacation rental market. The dream part is to have 2-3 vacation cottages - ideally like these here. Whimsical, comforting, and environmentally friendly. (I am not what you would call an environmentalist, but I do believe we should always be looking for better solutions. I do believe we cannot dismiss the very habitat that actually sustains us.)

Sounds simple. Then comes the IF. In order to do this in the time period that we would like, Bob needs to be working in the borough school district. Not only do we need the medical benefits, but he would love to teach in one of the newer school programs that are offered here in the Valley. We are both interested in alternative educational methods as well as education reform. Additionally, this would provide him actual "vacation time" - wait! is there such a thing? Time to rest, rejuvenate, and work on the dream.

So, we work on the IF part and hope and pray and keep planning.

Murphy's Law 1073, section e

2011-10-03T19:06:00.003-08:00

"When you are very stressed, there will be those little extras that come your way."

It has astonished both myself and my husband how huge a transition the last year has been. One year ago this month, I decided it was time to go back to work. It was work from home so, of course (said my little fantasy brain), it would not intrude on child rearing, house keeping, hobby farming and husband helping. After all, I would still be at home.

At just about the exact same time, Bob went back to school. Virtually of course. For a graduate degree. So, we now had two people typing away on the laptops early in the morning and late at night while dishes and laundry piled higher and higher.

We have come to a bit more balance, but have also realized that health is suffering for both of us. We are still working through how to find that proper balance.

So that brings me to last night. My busy night. Bob's busy night. The majority of my assignments for my classes are due just before mid-night each Sunday night. I had graded one section of what had already come in before Miriam's bedtime. I put Miriam to bed, then came down to the visual chaos of dishes piling up, the vacuum out because it was not yet done, and the laundry piling up as well. I had two more classes and technically two more recordings to go. In the midst of this, there were some issues for the adults to discuss about how to maintain a healthy balance for all of us. Let's just say we both have doctor's appointments imminent.

So, my recordings were put off. I actually posted an old one in my main course. I did the second one tonight while I had to be in my virtual office for my virtual students to ask questions while also taking real phone calls from them.

But I digress from the main k'vetch. In trying to find that healthy balance, I took Miriam to the pool after school. Swimming daily when possible is part of my get into shape to ease the stress and the back pain plan. Early afternoon at the Alaska Club is perfect because there are rarely other kids there. Not so today. Today, there is a delightful boy, perhaps 3, and his young parents. Mom is in the 3 foot pool with him, but soon migrates to the hot tub to be with her prince. The child is left with me. A bit irritating, but not a big deal. It did bother me a bit when they moved into the splash park (kiddie) area to make out in front of all of us, but so goes youth.

I was still waiting for my ten minutes of total relaxation. Going into the family hot tub and letting the water jets massage my vertebrae that is nightly attacking me. Miriam goes in with me. Of course, we now have a little follower. Mom and dad have now moved back to the three foot pool where they are having lots of fun together. He starts by splashing us. Then, tries to stand on his head on the top step of the hot tub steps. My gentle remonstrations are for nought. Then he begins to run around the hot tub at the very edge. Finally, his young mother notices my distress in trying to get him to keep from a concussion and fall into hot water and calls him over.

My ten minutes are about up. We go back to let Miriam play some more and leave for our errands.

My husband's response was to ask why I did not call over to those parents and tell them to come do some parenting. Well, there comes a point when conflict just will increase the stress. One has to weigh whether the confrontation is worth it. So, you just surrender to Murphy's Law and tell yourself it will be better next time.

A Late Autumn Ramble

2011-09-28T17:33:00.010-08:00

Today, we took a walk around our neighborhood. Autumn is beyond its peak. Frost is greeting us every morning.

The beginning of the collection that filled by jacket pocket my the end of the walk.

One of our neighbors is raising sheep. They are a breed from Finland, so should do well here. I love that my neighbors have various livestock. I can enjoy the picturesque scenes without the responsibility. Of course, our dream is to have some of our own someday...in retirement.

Another neighbor's cows. Cows are curious creatures...or at least have a curious look.

The cutest calf in the neighborhood. Love those furry highland cattle!

Miriam's collection of grass seed. She likes to pretend it is wheat. I remember doing the same thing as a child. I would pretend I was an American Indian gathering in wheat for the winter.

The view of Hatcher Pass. "The Winter is coming."

(from George R. R. Martin's A Storm of Swords)

Cabin in the Woods

The Road Less Traveled

Farm equipment

We walked to Saint Herman's to a favorite play spot under the church bells.

Playdo Crumbs

2011-08-11T19:41:00.003-08:00

I am in the midst of a losing battle this evening. Miriam has happily occupied herself recently with making all sorts of interesting creatures (sea urchins, mosquito larvae, sea unicorn) out of Playdo. Such creativity! But, unfortunately, Mommy was down for the count with a yucky bug for a few days following a week of household chaos because of weekend warrior projects that took more than a weekend. So, the "only at the kitchen table" rule was relaxed. My beautiful living room rug now has Playdo crumbs all over it.

No problem, right? Just pull out the vacuum and it shouldn't be that bad. I was feeling ready to tackle the mess today when I pulled out the vacuum to a literal howl of resistance. Apparently, these miniscule pieces of creativity were actually treasured. Now, some will call me a push over, but I just wasn't ready to fight the war that I knew was coming. So, I told her that I was going to work. When I came home, anything left on the rug would be vacuumed up. She began painstakingly picking up the Playdo crumbs which she claimed she was going to "carve into a dinosaur". Sigh...

Fast forward to this evening, I am feeling satisfied with harvesting enough broccoli and romanesco to supply 7 meals. Miriam wants to play UNO. I told her to clean up the coffee table first. Well, what was on the rug is now on the coffee table. I tell her to please throw it away. Nothing doing. She puts it all in a plastic Halloween jack-o-lantern. Meanwhile, I am putting the laundry in the dryer when I hear,

"Do you know what we need to learn to do?"
"What?" I cautiously query.
"Recycle."
I inwardly sigh because I can see where this is going. "Like Playdo?"
"Yes. You see, you don't just throw things away. I can carve stuff out of this."
I tell her it is too small to carve anything.
"Well! I can carve something. I can carve mosquito larvae and pieces of algae."

So, I will eventually resort to my usual method around here of getting rid of stuff. Sneak it out. Nobody is the wiser. Someday, the plastic jack-0-lantern contents will find its way to the dumpster when no one is thinking creatively.

Why 5 Year Olds Shouldn't Have Anatomical Models for Toys

2011-08-09T17:48:00.004-08:00

We are a geeky family. My husband's father was a science teacher. His mother was a math teacher and systems analyst who invented The Metric Genie ( a great gadget that helps ordinary folks to change standard measurement to metric measurement, created in a day when all the world would be going metric). My father was a systems analyst. My mother is more of a geek on the literary/artisitic/musician side.

So, of course, from her very birth, we surrounded our daughter in what some would consider a plethora of geekdom. Bach and Mozart were played almost continuously in babyhood. The particular count of Baroque music supposedly stimulates the math part of the brain. We played lots of activities to develop her motor skills and intellect. We also - at around 3 years old - bought her an "invisible man" anatomical model. She had shown an interest in bones. She still has this interest as demonstrated everytime we eat fish, and she asks if she can keep them on her nature shelf.

Not to worry...Invisible Man was totally PG. There were zero reproductive organs. However, there was an almost immediate fascination with the kidneys and bladder. The parts of Invisible Man have become scattered around the house. I think I even threw away his diaphragm. When sticky toys start to pick up the dust, I try to sneak them away to the circular file.

This evening, while nursing my fevered body (cold/flu thing), at the kitchen table and silently grousing to myself about the housework that is staring me in my face, Miriam walks up with a small Playmobile Easter Bunny and something that looks like a dusty chocolate chip.

"Have you ever found one of these?"

"It's a dirty chocolate chip. Throw it away."

"No...one of THESE." I look closer. Sure enough it is Invisible Man's kidneys and bladder. I identify the kidneys, but she is far more interested in the bladder. "What about THIS?" ...giggle...giggle...

O.K., I'll play along. "That's the bladder. That is where the pee is kept." More giggles.

She drapes the kidneys and bladder of the plastic Easter Bunny's head. It fits perfectly as a urinary tract stole. But she isn't done yet. "Have you ever done this to a bunny at the zoo?" Hmmm...draped a bunny with two kidneys and a bladder plus connective tubes? No. Can't say that I have.

"See, the bladder is between his hands. He squeezes the bladder and the pee comes out and lands on his foot. Making him hop quickly home. He then has to wear it until day 2nd."

O.K. My fevered brain sees it all in a haze, but I am thinking, "Mrs. Kindergarten teacher, you have no clue what is coming your way!" I hope you have a fantastic sense of humor and the patience of Job.

A Poet in the House

2011-08-07T09:26:00.004-08:00

Yesterday, we were driving to Walmart when Miriam suddenly says, "I have a saying about a cricket." I thought it was something she had heard. We asked what it was. She said,

Cricket, oh cricket

Out of the night

Go into the darkness

Go out of the sight

She had just written her first poem! She told us that she had "known if for awhile, but it is secret words to call crickets." I had to write it here so I wouldn't lose it or forget it.

Slow and Steady Progress

2011-08-05T09:37:00.003-08:00

It seems like our house is a continuous construction, renovation project. Right now, we are working on changing our office/playroom/Bob's dressing room into a bedroom for Miriam. She has been sleeping up in the loft where our master suite is since we moved here.

The problem has been that our house is designed in a way that, until the basement is completely finished, we do not have a floor that has two bedrooms. The basement is pretty chilly in winter, so we did not consider finishing it first. We also felt that the preschool years are a bit early to be on a floor by herself - no siblings for company or comfort. So, we kept her with us.

But, it is time! We need some privacy. She needs to become more independent at night. She also needs a space that is ONLY hers to entertain her friends and just get some privacy. Does a five year old need some privacy once in awhile. Yes! There are times when she just needs to get away from stimulation. She shuts herself in the playroom/future bedroom for awhile and just plays by herself. I actually suspect that she is an extremely social introvert. Yes, there is such a thing. She loves being with people, but gets overstimulated when it goes too long or there are too many. She needs down time to recharge.

Back to the room...why is this so complicated? Well, it had sort of been Bob's "space" for a long time. Before we were married, it was his bedroom. Then, it was his office. He also used it to get ready for work each morning. But we have gotten most of the computer stuff down to the man cave in the basement. We just have to get the clothes transferred up to our room as well as a transfer of routines. (That is going to be difficult.) I also have to dig up some guys to help move the rather heavy desk to the basement.

Walls have been painted pink. Wall decals are up. Carpet is waiting in the garage and carpet tack strips are waiting in my Expedition. We still need a carpet pad which we will get this weekend. My goal is to have the carpet laid, new bed put together, and most stuff moved back in this weekend. I still need to finish painting her dresser white. That should not take long. I might even do that today.

I told Miriam that if we get it all done, she can have a play date or two before school begins. She is anxious to show her friends her new bed with a slide. I am anxious to have this project as finished as I can get it so that I can focus on harvesting and preserving the garden.

The Alpha Rooster

2011-08-04T20:16:00.002-08:00

Today is one of those days when I wonder if I am cut out for the hobby farm/sustainable living life. I look out at my beautiful - admittedly weedy - garden and sigh a sigh of contentment. Depite the rainy days we are having, I look up at the mountains and feel peace emanating from the heights. I flip through the delights of Mother Earth News and Hobby Farm and Mary Jane's Farm. So what is the problem that is making me wish for the safe confines of the lower 48's urban centers?

Firewing. He is our alpha rooster. Now to understand this you have to know that we never intended to have roosters. We only wanted laying hens. We got straight run chicks from our neighbors knowing full well that they might not all be hens. We ended up with 2 roosters and 4 hens. At first, the roosters were beautiful and docile. Miriam named them Silverglo and Firewing. Firewing is by far the most beautiful. He has beautiful red and rusty brown feathers. He is quite proud of himself and the others all follow him around.

We decided that we would be hip and healthy and see how they could handle free ranging. Our property is big, so they haven't bothered the produce too much. They were so happy to be out. They dug up bugs and worms and ate the chickweed. We felt so domestic and farm-wise.

Then, Firewing decided to crow continuously every morning until they were let out of the chicken yard. Not so terrible. Once, he would not go in at night with the others. Bob found him on the bale of hay under the laying boxes. When Bob tried to pick him up, Firewing pecked at his fingers. So, Bob used chicken scratch to entice him into the yard.

This morning, I went out to check on them. They were waiting for me. I had brought some scratch with me and gave them some feed in the grass so I could refill their feed bowl and water container. When I was done, I went to see if there were any eggs. Now, they had just been given plenty of food and fresh water. You think that would have kept any peanut brain happy for a bit, but as I went to lift up the lid to the laying boxes, Firewing hastily moved in. I started walking back to the house. He was right on my heels. When I sped up, so did he. He even fluttered his wings at one time. All the other chickens were back with the feed. I went up the deck steps and he stopped at the bottom.

Later, when I had to go into town, he came towards me again as soon as I exited the garage. This was too much when you have a 5 year old girl with you. We got in the truck and went off. When Bob left for his second shift, he called me to tell me that the chickens had been on our front deck. Our house has a daylight basement, so the deck is high. Sure enough, they had left their evidence and toppled my potted petunias. I instinctively knew which one lead the others up there.

I had to go to the grocery store this evening. When we left the garage, there they all were. The others just look at us, but Firewing came right at us again. I was able to get Miriam into the truck by throwing a handful of scratch to occupy them. When we returned home, they were still there at the garage door. As soon as I got out, he was coming again. I took Miriam's umbrella and chased him away while opening and closing it. As soon as I stopped, he was coming back at me.

Needless to say, half my groceries are still in the truck waiting for Bob. I feel like I have been part of a dark comedy. I am being chicken stalked. My only comfort is that tomorrow is the bird's last day.

I am sure that Stephen King could use this whole scenario as a plot for his next horror novel. Chickens coming into the town, terrorizing women and children. Lead by a beautiful rooster with a beady eye who crows continuously.

Work and Family

2011-07-14T22:24:00.004-08:00

I am sitting here waiting for my husband to come home after a 12 hour work day. No, he is not a doctor or a policeman or an emergency responder. He is a teacher. Usually, he teaches a split shift (morning and evening) and comes home in the afternoon. Today, there was a four hour seminar right after the four hour morning class session. His nice boss let him slip out for an hour so that he could meet Miriam and I for dinner. Otherwise, he may not have had much of a dinner.

I usually work from home. I often feel like I am doing three jobs at once. My paid job - teaching online, housework/cooking job, and child care job. It has been quite an adjustment. Miriam has had to learn that she has to be quiet while I am recording instruction or speaking on the phone. Why? Because once a student complained that in a recording (not necessarily mine) a baby was heard crying in the background. This of course got to upper management, and we were reminded that we needed to be in a quiet place.

It sounds like I am k'vetching here, but I am not. I am very grateful that in a tough economy we both have work. God has blessed us greatly with these jobs. I have a job where I can stay at home and at least know what my child is up to. I can run out and feed the chickens or pull a few weeds. Bob is getting his graduate degree. Things are moving along. Life is good.

I mention it instead in a broader reflection about the priorities of American society. We are often defined by our work instead of our relationships. As a result, we are shushing our little children while we try to get in a few more hours to pay a few more bills or take that one more class so that it is on the resume for future advancement.

I am not pronouncing any judgement here. We all make our decisions for survival and to provide for our families the best life we can. It is simply an observation.

Wouldn't it be great to imagine an economy where corporations recognized that a good productive employee is one which has a happy family life? That to continue to operate in the future the children of those employees need parental time, attention, and love to become productive citizens themselves?

I am an uncomfortable capitalist. I believe that it is perfectly alright to pursue profit. But I wonder if as a culture, we ever really count the cost.

Currently Reading...

2011-07-02T15:36:00.002-08:00

As usual, I am reading more than one book at a time, but they are all so intriguing, I thought I would mention them here.

The Introvert Advantage - Wow! I am on the second chapter and already thinking, "so that's why I am so tired all the time." This book throws away the old assumption that introversion is a "problem" and looks at it as a personality type that just operates differently than extroverts. One of the things I already relate to is the fact that introverts need to go "inside" or away from others to recharge. This does not mean they are anti-social. Most need society as well. It is just that socializing drains them much faster than extroverts. In fact, the extrovert is recharged through socializing. The author, an introvert who counsels introverts, says that it is so important for introverts to recognize that too much on his/her plate or too much stimulation or too many people, too much of the time will be exhausting. That means we have to plan breaks for ourselves. On the plus side, an introvert is often a deeper, more creative thinker when aloud to focus on one thing at a time. Extroverts are all about breadth - knowing and doing lots of different things, but keeping to the surface of those things. Introverts focus on a few things, but delve deeply into them. Extroverts are "everybody's friend". Introverts have a few, deep intimate friendships that are tested over time.

Nasty People - This book was recommended to me by a friend who is a teacher. The faculty of her school read this as a resource in dealing with increasing nastiness from the student/parent population. (Sad commentary on our culture.) I haven't gotten that far in the book, but in the beginning, the author defines what it means to be an invalidator, ways people invalidate others, and how even those of us who are not habitually invalidators still invalidate at times. (example: Telling an elementary school child who can not keep from talking in class that he/she is rude and disrespectful, when the reality is that his/her brain is not mature enough to see the big picture of how his/her behavior effects anyone else.) As I read through this, I am hoping to catch myself before I invalidate someone unaware as well as find techniques to keep others' invalidation of me from being so crippling.

Outliers: The Story of Success - I just picked this one up at Costco. I enjoyed reading part of Malcolm Gladwell's Blink, but this one looks even better. In Blink I got the point after the first few chapters. I see where he is going with Outliers, but it has more varied examples. I just got this today and have only read 30 pages, so still have a ways to go. Basically, he is arguing that success really has little to do with intelligence, but a lot to do with our environment, chance, and even the way the "system" is set up. (such as cut off dates for sports teams and classes)

A Houseful of Abstract Random

2011-06-22T07:40:00.004-08:00

I remember the day in a graduate course on Learning Styles. We had to take yet another learning style survey. I came out Abstract Random followed by the supporting style of Abstract Sequential. The teacher asked a student who was strongly abstract random to give an example of what it is like to be one based on an experience the woman had on the first day of class.

The first day of class, the woman had gone to the classroom recorded on her schedule. She entered the classroom, sat down, and got ready to begin. She introduced herself as everyone went around doing introductions as is common in such classes. It was only after the syllabus was handed out that she realized that she was in the wrong classroom. On the door of the classroom was a very clear sign that the room had been changed for the Learning Styles course.

We all laughed at this, but it is a good reminder that not everyone sees everything the same way. Some of us miss rather obvious details in life, but still seem to get to the end goal.

I also remember an abstract random professor of mine. She was an excellent professor. She was actually department head for education for awhile. When you entered her office, every surface was filled with books, articles, and papers. There was no where to sit down. (Some might see this as an argument against tenure, but I assure you this woman was an excellent instructor.) I asked if I could see the grade on a recent paper on educational philosophy. She could not find it. However, she could remember details from it and was able to comment on it verbally. She probably did not get many students who wanted actual feedback beyond a grade.

I thought about this difference this morning after being on the other end of abstract random thinking. Bob is flying in to Maryland from Anchorage today. I talked to him last night. It was an hour before his ride was coming. He wasn't packed. He was cooling off after working in the garden. I told him I needed to go to bed early and just to text me when he left and when he got to Philadelphia.

I got up at 6 a.m. to two messages. Both had artistic photos attached. One was of a bi-plane hanging from the ceiling of the Anchorage airport. (Just for reference, his flight was to leave around 9:30 p.m.) The caption said "11 pm waiting for flt". I was confused. Did he get time zones mixed up? What was going on? Then the second photo of a steel and glass walkway. Caption: "11:30 pm/2 hrs to go." What?!?!

I assumed this was some time zone mix up. So I got in the car with Bubbie and Miriam and headed to BWI at 10:15 am. We almost got lost. Mom thought that the airport was past Glen Burnie. (Marylanders will understand this.) She at one point told me "Odenton is to the right, so go straight." When I started to change lanes, "No take the curve (right)!" We finally make it to the terminal. No Bob. No phone connection. No messages. I had already looked up the connecting flight from Philadelphia which was on time.

Now, because I am also an abstract random, I begin to get emotional and panic. Did he miss his flight? Is he alright? etc. Finally, I get the notion to look up the first flight. Sure enough - departure was 4 hours late.

Now, I am going to go take a nap with Miriam and wait for the call from Philly and dream that I am actually living in a concrete sequential family in which clear messages are sent, solid routes known and taken, and logical solutions found.

So much easier...so less exciting...

Disclaimer: All of the above is true, but meant to be humorous (in the dry sense).

Journey Mercies

2011-06-18T17:21:00.003-08:00

Here I am. Back again in Maryland. In a house full of memories and history, but also full of change.

It is interesting how we plan trips. I stressed over leaving my house a mess and my garden unfinished. I worried about how the chickens would fare. I pondered how I would entertain my merry Miriam for the 10 hour trip. In the last hour before leaving for Anchorage, a neighbor boy told us he had encountered a "stranger" on the back of our property while hunting. That made me worry - too much - about Bob having to deal with that possibility.

Finally, we got out of the house and on our way.

When I was a little girl, my mother and grandmother would pray before each trip for journey mercies. So, I am not so concerned about the house. Bob has been working diligently on the garden. Nice responsible neighbor boy will take care of the chickens and water the garden once Bob leaves. Miriam slept through both flights. The state troopers came and helped Bob investigate the strange man who had departed from our land. (There was some evidence that he had taken shelter in an old camper. We had a few rainy days before I left.)

But I am still on a journey. A journey of learning about how your relationship changes with your aging parent. My brothers and sisters have already come farther than I have with that one, but it is one that is forcing me to adapt quickly and to live in the moment (even the moment that keeps repeating like a loop in the space-time continuum).

It also has made me think about how often we connect memory with love. I look around at the teapots and books and pictures. Right now, I am sitting at the long dining room table that was once in my grandparents' house and has hosted so many family dinners. But I realize that there is a difference between love and sentiment. When my mother asks me for the fifth time, if I would like something to eat (within 15 minutes), that is love that has no connection to memory. I asked her about something from our childhood today. She did not remember it, but she has exhausted herself reading and listening and talking and playing with a very grateful granddaughter. That is love beyond memory, too.

It is still a hard journey. This particular stage in the life of family. I know that I need to pray for a lot of patience and a lot of humor while I am here. I need wisdom to know when to allow my mother to do things for me and when to gently redirect her. She needs to feel like she can still do for others - not just be, but do. That is a delicate path to walk.

I am grateful to Miriam who does not see any frailty. She only sees a grandmother. Her grandmother. She see love and feels joy and gives it back in full measure.

So I find myself praying for journey mercies again. Just of a different kind.

Bright Week Musings

2011-04-27T20:14:00.004-08:00

Christ is Risen! What a glorious Pascha we have had here! It was the end of a very long and sometimes painful Lent for me. A remembrance that parts of us have to be crucified in order to share in Christ's glorious Resurrection.

It isn't that we do not have to take up our cross daily. But God through His Church gives us times when we are the wheat to His winnowing fork. That is what I have felt like in the last few months.

The thing about resurrection is that it doesn't mean that what came before is forgotten. It isn't. It just begins to take on new and more powerful meaning. It helps to refine us but not define us. Allowing others to define me is something that definitely has needed to go to the cross - daily. In that death, there is also the continuous resurrection. One that forces me to look into the empty tomb and discover that what was death in me has been trampled down by death. I have been bidden to rise and be defined by Christ - not by others, not by self - by the Risen Christ.

I see that in our parish as well. We have had the great blessing of a wonderful, vibrant visiting priest and his quiet, gentle, and - I suspect - wise wife. They have been a breath of fresh air. They have brought a sense of life and hope to a parish that for too long has been caught between trying to define itself and being defined by others. Perhaps, there is an empty tomb here that we need to peer into. Perhaps there is a "gardener" asking for whom it is we are seeking. Perhaps there will be a new resurrected parish that will be wholy defined only by the Risen Christ.

Our visiting priest (and in a sense, no matter what, he will be a part of us) has been asked to return as our full-time priest. I don't think that there has ever been a greater effort in any church in my experience to try to convince a family to stay and become a part of the community. I hope they do. I like breathing fresh air.

Goldberry Cottage Business Ventures

2011-04-14T17:51:00.006-08:00

Considering a vacation this summer? How about the beautiful MatSu Valley in Alaska? For the about the last 18 months, we have been discussing the possibility of changing our apartment from a standard rental to an apartment rental. This summer, we are taking the plunge. It is terribly exciting, but frightening at the same time! Reinventing one's business ventures or investments always has an element of risk. (We believe that wisdom never rushes into something headfirst. So, we have been mulling it over for awhile.) So, I am already working on the necessary lists, research, etc. We have two beds already - one queen sized and one full-sized. I am going to be on the hunt for gently used, nice furnishings and art work for the rest. Eventually the goal is to have a comfortable, cozy unit that sleeps four easily, and up to six if you include a futon/sleeper sofa. We really think that this could be at least equal to the investment of a monthly rental. We are in prime Alaskan vacation country. The apartment has a great view of the Talkeetna Mountains which provide hiking, camping, rock climbing, picnicking, berry picking...as well as all the winter sports in the winter. The new Nordic skiing day lodge is supposed to open in Winter 2012 and is about 5 - 10 minutes from our house. See here for the amazing plan to develop the Hatcher Pass Recreation Area. A bit farther away are some other tourist attractions. Anchorage is within an hours drive. Denali National Park and Fairbanks are within a day's drive. Palmer, the historic Great Depression agricultural colony is within 20 minutes and Wasilla within 15 minutes. There are many lakes, streams, and rivers providing fishing, swimming, and kayaking activities. Four wheelers and snow machines can be rented in the area. So, I think with proper marketing and establishing a good reputation for quality accommodations and hospitality, we can make a go with this. We know the tourism market is terribly down at the moment, but we are seizing this opportunity while I am teaching to explore the possibilities. We are hoping to open for business this June. If you are thinking about a fantastic fun vacation, look us up!

Wisdom of the Wiggle

2011-04-14T09:26:00.003-08:00

"We have to start by finding the Prince." "Start by finding him? Don't you think we should start by looking for him?" said Puddleglum (marshwiggle)

Praying for the Lottery

2011-04-01T21:46:00.002-08:00

This week, we went to school twice. Well, at least Miriam and I did. Bob went with us once. We have entered Miriam into the lottery for kindergarten seats at Birchtree Charter School. Now, we never intended to send our child to school, unless a really good Orthodox school with methodology that fit our quirky teacher brains could be found within an easy Alaskan winter drive. We have always intended to homeschool. Our primary concern for our child is for her to be treated as a whole person - a spiritual person - not just a mind. So, what changed our minds to try this out? Well, a couple of things. First of all, I started to work from home. Right now, it is just part time, but will most likely eventually have to be full-time. It is that whole retirement looming closer and Social Security = nothing thing. So there is an element of realism in this. Secondly, this great school opened up. It isn't an Orthodox school or even a Christian school. It is a public charter school using a Waldorf model. Without going into all that means (google it! It will blow your mind!), here are some tidbits that we especially like:

developmentally designed curriculum - that means they aren't trying to push concepts too early or making my very active child sit for hours at a time before she is physically, mentally, and emotionally ready

play based kindergarten

lots of art, music, drama

NOT textbook or testing driven

drumroll...get this...they get to learn about saints and humanitarians and people like that

second drumroll...they even get to celebrate some holidays in the full sense of that word (not just Christian, but Jewish as well...I mean, what public school actually has a Seder in the third grade?!? ) How do they get away with it? By approaching it as history and culture, not religion.

an emphasis on using the child's natural love of learning - not killing it through worksheets - nurturing it

There is lots more, but those are just some things that come to mind. When Miriam and I went on a tour today, we entered to hear one class practicing their wooden flutes. You know, how usually that is a screechy, run away type of experience? It was absolutely beautiful and joyful.

Plants were being grown under grow lights for the future outdoor classroom - gardens that the children are helping to design. Tour guide: "The older students are cutting willows to build the fencing for the outdoor classroom." One class was saying a story rhyme together to practice addition facts. The woodworking classroom had wooden benches in the process of being build by middle schoolers. It just was wonderful!

One classroom had finches. Miriam talked to them for awhile. They apparently speak "Elvish" and told her to ask the teacher "to put their cage on my desk while I do my homework to keep me company." She is thinking ahead! It was a third grade classroom.

Daily nature walks! Imagine that! At one school where I taught, I would take my fifth grade out for snow walks whenever it began to snow. Snow is a big distraction in Maryland, so why not just get it out of the system? I would also sometimes hold reading class out under the trees. One principal quickly put a stop to that. Takes away too much from workbook time.

We are still going to have to make sure we are being diligent about teaching Miriam the elements of the Orthodox faith. But I think this school is a really good fit.

Now it is just a matter of praying, "Thy will be done" as we wait for the lottery. If she does not get in, it will be back to homeschooling and working with one of the homeschool support groups/charter schools here. We have prepared her for that contingency.

But she will miss the finches.

Pascha Basket Plans

2011-03-31T18:16:00.002-08:00

Last year, I had this great idea of having a Biblically themed Pascha/Easter basket for Miriam. I did a Good Shepherd theme. This year, I just had trouble with a theme. I saw some great wooden Bible themed toys here, but besides obviously not being priced for a one child household, I just was not quite ready for an Adam and Eve themed Pascha basket. At first, I thought it would be a great idea. I could get her a small icon of the Harrowing of Hell where Christ is pulling Adam and Eve from Hades. It is the classic Pascha icon of the Orthodox church and one of Miriam's favorites. But, again, the toys I saw were way too much money, would give rise to questions about why they are only wearing leaves, and ...well enough said right there. I could look for a cheap plastic set, but we are trying to avoid junky toys. The Adam and Eve story did give me the idea of sticking with the garden theme. There are lots of garden and farming stories and images in the Bible. It also allows for a lot of inexpensive fun things as well as keeping the true tone of the season. It is about Christ's resurrection - not bunnies, not lambs. All these are great symbols of new life and are not bad. We just need to use them to redirect children to the reason we celebrate. Today, I had that rare treat known as a trip to town by myself. I had to meet a student, so did so inbetween Bob's teaching shifts. Since my tutoring session only lasted about 15 minutes, I decided to make the most of it. I was able to pick up a few of the following things that I plan on putting in the basket.

a tin pail with a garden theme

child's gardening gloves

child's gardening hand tools

two packets of seeds that should grow in Alaska if done right (thank you Target for having dollar bins!)

a flower pen

Lindt chocolate carrots

The Monk Who Grew Prayer from Amazon

Still to come...

baby carrots (the real kind)

strawberries or some kind of berries

homemade Easter Eggs - chocolate butter creams

hard boiled dyed eggs

I searched the net for the Parable of the Sower icon or a children's book of that parable that had half way decent illustrations. That was a disappointing endeavor. So I stuck with The Monk Who Grew Prayer. I might, if I find just the right one, see about a small icon of Creation.

So that is this year's basket theme. I am trying hard to limit junk food, have some kind of spiritual connection, and have all the joy of Pascha without forgetting why we have the joy.

YUM!

2011-03-31T12:27:00.004-08:00

Photo from Soda Fountains!

This morning, I made homemade vanilla bean syrup in part 2 of my old fashioned soda experiments. I looked at several recipes online and adapted a bit. Most vanilla syrups call for vanilla extract. I wanted mine to have a strong vanilla flavor so that it wouldn't just be a sugary taste. So, I simmered 4 cups of sugar, 2 cups of water, and two vanilla beans (split and scraped) until it started to thicken quite a bit. It may end up being a little too thick, but I really wanted that vanilla flavor infused into the syrup. After I took it off the heat, I added approximately 1 TBSP of homemade vanilla extract as well. This made two full pints of very concentrated syrup.

Next came the sampling. For about an 8 oz soda I put 2 TBSP syrup to the club soda and ice. I think this was too much syrup, but it was absolutely fantastic in flavor. Just a bit sweet for a grown-up. I am going to cut the syrup in half and see how that works. It tastes just like the cream sodas I used to enjoy in my youth. The child in the house was absolutely delighted and begged for more to which she was told that she would have to be patient.

I cut out all soda several years ago because something in them (after over-indulging big time) was making me really sick. These homemade sodas are so far not effecting me, so I am enjoying them in moderation.

I think next I am going to try another syrup that perhaps more adults will like - cardamom. We will see how a cardamom soda tastes.

Of course, all this fun experimentation is for Saint Herman's Spring Festival. So, once I have my basic flavors, I am going to see about combining syrups like they do in coffee shops. How does a chocolate mint soda sound. Or chocolate cardamom...or vanilla-cardamom...or raspberry-vanilla....Hmmm...the posibilities are endless.

Chicken Chatter

2011-03-26T15:26:00.006-08:00

Picture from here

The Alaskan weather has decided to give us high temperatures above freezing for about a week now. The sun actually has heat coming from it. This may seem an odd statement for those in lower latitudes, but in the winter, the sun - what there is of it is winter white and has no detectable heat. So, now we are begining to feel the beginnings of spring fever.

A friend recently signed me up for a discussion group on Facebook that is made up of Alaskan farmer types. I don't really consider myself a farmer. To me, a farm has more than one type of livestock and more than our overly large kitchen garden. But I enjoy following along as a wannabe. I even posted about our sprouts. As of today, we have pumpkin, lemon cucumber, romenesco, and tomato plants sprouted. They are currently upstairs in Miriam's future bedroom, but Bob is clearing out the growing area in the basement today to move them under the lights.

The other thing that makes me a wannabe farm-type is chickens. Last year, we started with six chickens. Our Auracana chick became a statistic early on. The others were lost to the infamous fox in the henhouse.

This year, we are going to make our chicken yard more secure. We are hoping to get a few chicks from our neighbors. The main purebred chicken source in the MatSu Valley is not selling this year because of financial stress. That means we have to watch the threads and Craigslist for anything special we might want.

Picture from My Pet Chicken

One of the breeds I would like is a Buff Brahma, pictured above. I had two last year. They are really pretty and docile, just nice little ladies.

My other goal is to have a variety of eggs of different colors. This is a hobby, so I want it to be fun. Having lots of different colors makes for more than just shoveling out the coop every few days.

Someday, I hope to have a nice sized barn that is part chicken coop, part brooding area, a couple of small stalls for 4-H projects, and lots of room for tools and storage. That is down the road aways. This year, my chickens will have to be content with the little coop we have. Let's hope the fox stays away this time.

Fairy Music for Children

2011-03-23T09:56:00.005-08:00

We have music playing in our house most of the day. This would be good in moderation except that the DJ (who is five years old) tends to pick very repetitive selections. This morning, I insisted on taking turns. So when it was my turn, we put on Cicely Mary Barker's A Flower Fairy Alphabet produced by Music for Little People.

This CD has Barker's poems put to music and is wonderfully soothing and imaginative. I wish I had big pictures of the different flowers and fairies, so that we could work on flower identification as well. Maybe we will have to do an internet search.

When we got to the song for the Vetch fairy, it talks about how poor little "U" doesn't have a flower, so Vetch lends "U" some color and a flower. Miriam asked what it was about. I said, "Well there are no flowers that start with the letter 'U'." She looked thoughtful. "Yes, there is! The unilix! It was planted long ago in the forest of Mirkwood. It was planted when the unicorns still lived in Mirkwood." She just could not stand for U to be left out!

Poor Little U

has nothing to do

He hasn't a flower: not one.

For U is unlucky. I'm sorry to tell.

U stands for Unfortunate, Ugly as well;

No single sweet flowery name will it spell -

Is there nothing at all to be done?

"Don't fret, little neighbor!"

Says kind fairy V,

"You're welcome to share

All my flowers with me -

Come, play with them, laugh, and have fun.

I've Vetches a plenty for me and for you,

Verbena, Valerian, Violets, too:

Don't cry them because you have none."

Cicely Mary Barker

Simple Foods

2011-03-22T17:46:00.005-08:00

We had a really good dinner tonight. Some nights, we have to eat quickly and early because Bob works a split shift twice a week. It was one of those hippie Lent meals, but it really filled us up.

Whole Wheat Tortilla Wraps with...
homemade red pepper hummus
carrots
spinach
onions
bell peppers
avocado dressing (aka elf dressing)

(The child in the house does not care for hummus, so she had chopped chicken.)

Dessert
Fresh pineapple

YUM! It is so simple. I am finding that sometimes, the simplest means are really so satisfying. A plate of fruit and cheese with some nuts. A salad with golden raisins or dried cranberries and shredded cheese. Even just tuna salad sandwiches and soup.

Because we do a modified fast for Lent due to health issues, one of our goals is to keep it simple. When I think back to the way most humans ate throughout the centuries, it is not a four course meal that comes to mind. Food was the result of a LOT of work in those days. People were grateful for the daily bread and cheese. Meat was a luxury. An orange was a treat. Now, we have so much to choose from that we have lost appreciation for the simplest of foods. After all, when a grocery store is piled high with seven different kinds of apples, it is hard to appreciate just one apple.

One of the best parts of eating simple, healthy foods is seeing Miriam really enjoy it. This evening, I said, "I so look forward to packing good snacks for kindergarten with you. You can set an example for the other kids." She said, "Yes. I will say, 'Eat healthy foods, not just sugar!'"

Children appreciate good food when they are encouraged towards it. They still haven't lost the enjoyment of simplicity or grown jaded to natural tastes. Perhaps taking time out to eat simply can help those of us who have lost that necessary childlike wonder to regain it a bit.

Thoughts at the Eleventh Hour

2011-03-20T22:53:00.003-08:00

I feel like the days of Lent are like days in Wonderland. It just gets curiouser and curiouser. It seems like my own interior battles against my own weaknesses increase as everyone else seems to be having similar issues. But we all have to live in a community together. So, we are weak and frail and in the flailing around part of the battle where we just swing our sword at anything that moves. Unfortunately, what we hit is usually one another - not the real enemy.

How much easier it seems to be a hermit! To move away from all the mutual battling during this time. The problem is the hermit still has the battle. It is in herself/himself. It is conquering ourselves that is the whole point. Or is it surrendering ourselves and letting God fight for us? Perhaps it is a little of both.

I think the central "pillar" of Lent should be prayer. Prayer for ourselves. Prayer for one another. It is only this way that we will find the peace and love and joy that is Pascha.

"Old Fashioned" Soda Fountain Soda

2011-03-20T18:38:00.002-08:00

I am going to be experimenting in the next few weeks with making different syrups for an Old Fashioned Soda Fountain stand at our church's spring festival. When I saw the various volunteer opportunities for which to sign up, I decided that I would take the opportunity to experiment a bit with something I have thought about doing before - making homemade soda.

A lot of families today are moving away from giving their children soda bought in the store. Most is caffeinated, has artificial color, artificial flavor, and high fructose corn syrup. We never buy it for ourselves unless we are out at a restaurant where there are no alternatives. So when the sign up sheet mentioned a drink stand with soda, I thought it would be far better to try experimenting with some of the homemade variety than put temptation in the way of children whose systems cannot handle the store brought variety. (My child would most likely be included in that group.)

I got the idea from a couple of books. We grow a LOT of raspberries every year, and I have for some time been thinking that I should try to make raspberry cordial like in Anne of Green Gables. That is such a favorite scene where Anne gives Diana currant wine instead of raspberry cordial! It is such a favorite book of so many girls.

The other book was in the "Joshua" series by Fr. Joseph Girzone. I love the Joshua books which give one priest's ideas of what it would be like if Jesus Christ walked the earth now. How would he deal with divisions amongst His people, sickness, death, poverty, conflict in the Middle East...you name it, the issue is covered! Anyway, in one book, Jesus is portrayed as a twelve year old child living in a small town. Joseph is still alive, but ill. Mary runs the house on a shoestring budget. One of the things she makes for "Joshua" and his friends is homemade soda. When I read that, I thought, "Hmmm...that is an interesting idea. Wonder who in Fr. Girzone's life made that."

So, here I am experimenting myself. Tonight was a glowing success. I used homemade raspberry syrup given to us as part of a bunch of Christmas bounty from our wonderful neighbors. For an eight ounce drink, I put three TBSP of raspberry syrup (with pieces of raspberries still floating in it), filled the cup most of the way with club soda, and added some ice. Everyone declared it to be the best soda they had ever tasted! It is also a very pretty pink color which adds to the enjoyment.

My next experiment is going to be vanilla and vanilla cream soda. So, this week, I need to make vanilla syrup with some of my vanilla beans. To make a cream soda, you supposedly just throw in a spoonful of heavy cream to the cup of soda, mix it up and yum!

Finishing the Unfinished

2011-03-18T11:34:00.003-08:00

It often seems like life is a series of unfinished projects. I find this especially true of my sewing projects.

I have one quilt that I started over ten years ago. It is very complicated. There are four main panels that have three each of appliqued Medieval motifs - knight, dragon, lady, griffin, etc. Those panels are basically finished, but need a little bit of embroidery embellishment here and there. It is the borders that had me putting away the quilt for several years. The bottom border is a killer. It is an appliqued medieval town. It isn't beyond my ability, but a bit beyond my patience. I always say that "next winter" I am going to take it out and get it done, but someone needs to light a fire under me, I think.

Today, I went downstairs to look for some leather I have for another project. My sewing area looks like a hurricane hit it. As I was straightening up, I found a half finished skirt for Miriam and a play dress that needed hemming. I am determined to start small and finish one unfinished project at a time. I started with hemming that dress today. It is a good wide hem that will last a few years too.

Mother Teresa said, "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." Why is this so difficult to do? Why do I want to show that I am faithful in big things? It is because only God sees the small things - the finishing of a hem, the mending of a tear, the washing of a dish. No one else sees or care about these things, only our Father in heaven who sees what is done in secret, both good and bad.

Once I was in a ladies Bible study in which we were given a survey to determine our spiritual gifts. Now, I do not put much stock in human measurement of spiritual gifts, but it was an interesting experience. My mother has the very soul of a teacher. She was studying to be one when she quit to get married. She continued her studies. She taught in pre-schools, Sunday Schools, and substituted. She taught her own children at home. She taught the autistic boy next door. She taught several kids piano. When she took that survey, her spiritual gift came out as "service or helping". I remember her talking about it in that group. She thought it would be teaching, but she realized that so much of her life was washing dishes, cleaning up, cooking meals, nursing children, etc. She suddenly realized that this was a gift from God.

Now, I struggle with learning to see each small thing I complete as something God is giving to others through me as well as giving to me for my own theosis. These are things no one sees or says "good job" about or thanks us for. We just do them out of love.

Lord, help me to see the gift of being faithful in the small things.

Remembering My Irish

2011-03-17T08:10:00.005-08:00

When I was a little girl, I looked forward every Saint Patrick's Day to dressing in my best green clothes and walking across the street to visit my grandfather. He was a small man, full of life. He would be sitting close to the television usually, smoking his pipe, the sweet smelling tobacco filling the room. It gave him a bit of joy to be visited on this day.

He was only a quarter Irish. His grandmother, Ellen McGonnegal, had come from County Cork. My mother used to tell me that at 90 years old, she could still dance a jig. This always intrigued me. I felt like I identified far more with the Irish, Scottish, and Welsh roots than with the more prominent Swedish gene.

Years later, I read a part of what I thought was a poem in one of Madeline L'Engles books. It also captured me in a way. I did not know then that it was as connected with Ireland as my grandfather. It is called a breastplate prayer and was written by Saint Patrick. It is is quite powerful. It makes me think of Patrick returning to a land where he had been enslaved to challenge leaders and people entrenched in paganism with the power and love of the Three in One, the One in Three.

It reminds me of my small grandfather with the large heart, who lived life on his own terms, until, towards the end of his life, he realized that he needed to live them on God's terms. It was one of the most memorable days in my life as I saw my grandfather, in his 80's, get baptized on the same day as his great-grandson. He chose to bind himself to Christ that day. He lost nothing of the twinkle in his eye or his great love for his family. He gained everything.

Saint Patrick's Breastplate

I bind unto myself today

The strong Name of the Trinity

By invocation of the Same,

The Three in One and the One in Three.

I bind this day to me forever

By the power of faith, Christ's Incarnation

His baptism in the Jordan river

His death on the cross for my salvation

His bursting from the spiced tomb

His riding up the heavenly way

His coming on the day of doom

I bind unto myself today

I bind unto myself the power

Of the great love of the cherubim

The sweet 'well done' in judgment hour

The service of the seraphim,

Confessors' faith, apostles' word,

The Patriarchs' prayers, the prophets' scrolls,

All good deeds done unto the Lord,

And purity of the virgins' souls.

I bind unto myself today

The virtues of the starlit heaven,

The glorious sun's life-giving ray,

The whiteness of the moon at even,

The flashing of the lightening free,

The whirling winds tempestuous shocks,

The stable earth, the deep salt sea,

Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself this day

The power of God to hold and lead,

His eye to watch, His might to stay,

His ear to hearken to my need.

The wisdom of my God to teach,

His hand to guide, His shield to ward,

The word of God to give me speech,

His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,

The vice that gives temptation force,

The natural lusts that war within,

The hostile men that mar my course,

Of few or many, far or nigh.

In every place and in all hours,

Against their fierce hostility,

I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,

Against false words of heresy,

Against the knowledge that defiles,

Against the heart's idolatry,

Against the wizard's evil craft,

Against the death would and the burning,

The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,

Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,

Christ beside me, Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me,

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

Christ in hearts of all that love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself today,

The strong Name of the Trinity;

by invocation of the same,

The Three in One, and the One in Three.

Of Whom all nature hath creation,

Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:

Praise to the Lord of my salvation,

Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

The Knitting Tangle

2011-03-16T14:42:00.003-08:00

I am now on my third attempt to knit what was to be a Pascha (Easter) dress for my child, but will now probably end up being an autumn dress worn with a cardigan - or maybe for her child. I really enjoy knitting, but probably should stick to items that do not involve counting to 288 cast on stitches to begin with.

As much as I would like to sit and knit for a couple of hours, I have to content myself to 30 minutes here, 15 minutes there at times when no one is going to need something when I am at 133 in my counting. Also, I can't do it at 11 p.m. when everyone has calmed down enough for me to sit quietly for awhile. By that time, I am just too sleepy to be much good.

I actually had done pretty well on attempt number 2 when life interrupted, and I put the knitting aside for a week. When I picked it back up, I could not quite figure out which direction to continue and ended up knitting backwards!

The perfect Lenten experience - you think you are making progress and find that you actually went the opposite direction, have to return to the beginning and start again.

So, here are a few knitting and life "maxims" that I am learning:

When you are going along well towards your goal, someone is bound to interrupt you.
You can't think about whether others are seeing any progress or saying, "Look at that, she still isn't finished! Will she EVER get to the end?"
It is o.k. to get unravelled, cut off the frayed stuff, and start anew with new yarn.
Each time, the journey is a little easier and the stitches a bit neater.
It is the journey, not the end product which is the most important. The end product is full of joy and satisfaction, but it is the journey that changes us.
Learn to laugh at your own frailties.

The Anchorage Run

2011-03-12T21:43:00.003-09:00

Twice a month, unless we really need a "fun" shopping trip, we make the Anchorage Run. It takes about an hour to get to Costco where we stock up pretty much everything except milk. I usually dread this. I just am not a warehouse shopping kind of gal. Give me a mall with nice little boutiques or a quaint historical village with kitchy shops, tea rooms, and ambience. But Costco feels like a chore.

Today, it turned out almost enjoyable. We probably are now stocked up for a good month. The best part was not making it only Costco - at which my dear husband has really been making an effort. We went to Natural Pantry first.

Now, that may sound like, "oy vey...just another grocery store", but it just happens to be in a little mall that has a delightful kitchen store called Habitats. I window shopped there while Bob started the hippie grocery run with Miriam. Natural Pantry isn't all that bad either since it has a fantastic tea selection and bulk spices. You get to shop with nice, peaceful hippie folks who are talking about red wheat berries and browsing through the "every kind of flour you can think of" selection. One thing we pick up this time of year is falafel mix which I have learned to enjoy falafel once or twice a year. That is about all our systems can handle.

I also got to run into Michael's Arts and Crafts and found some great little spice jars in the dollar bin! So my dollar bin addiction was satisfied as well.

Then, onto Costco, which just happened to have little girl Hanna Andersson dresses in the brightest patterns you can imagine. Just Miriam's style! When she goes to school next year, she is going to walk by some ADHD kid's desk and blow his mind with all the colors. Add to that finding vegan meatballs without soy, a great two-tiered fruit basket for the kitchen, and it wasn't too shabby a trip.

Perhaps learning to enjoy shopping for the nourishment and provision of my family, instead of just my entertainment, can also be a spiritual discipline.

Roadblocks

2011-03-10T12:04:00.005-09:00

So, what do you do when you have the best of intentions about how your day is going to go and get totally thrown off track? I think this is part of the Lenten journey. I had planned to spend the morning at storytime with my child and return a very overdue library book.

Instead, I ended up being thrown for a loop by another issue. It was one of those things that leaves you wondering what planet in what universe you are living on. It was just so bizarre.

There is a saying that the best plans of mice and men most often go awry. Another one talks about the road to hell being paved with good intentions. It amazes me that I can have the best of intentions, think I am planning in a sane way that is taking everyone involved into account, and end up in the place where I least expected.

It is a humbling experience, this unbalanced feeling of never knowing where the next weirdness is going to come from. There is an icon called the Ladder of Divine Ascent. It shows monks trying to climb a ladder to heaven. Demons are pulling them off. I admit that I know only a little surface theology connected with that icon. I have not read Saint John of the Ladder's writings. I do know that when I think that I am doing o.k. and have things figured out, I am at my most dangerous point as far as falling.

I sometimes wonder how those who seem so confident in their opinions and themselves don't seem to have this issue. Perhaps, they do as well and are able to just continue appearing like they know where they are going.

I grew up in a home in which, whenever there was conflict, my mother would say something like "What was your part in it?" While this produced a guilt issue a mile long, it also has forced me to examine myself in certain situations. I know that I cannot see all my faults. Who can? But I am aware of many of them. So self-evaluation is far from an alien exercise with me.

That said, I end up in a pickle when I really do not see anything that I did that was wrong, and I still end up being casted as the one who messed up. I was thinking about this and falling into a martyrdom party when I realized that is exactly what our Lord went through because of me...and everyone else on this crazy, Twilight Zone planet. He was the scapegoat. He participated in all the pain that sin causes, and He conquered it and all the consequences of it through His death and resurrection. He invites me to take up my cross daily and follow him in both the death and the resurrection. There cannot be one without the other. Death is lonely and painful, but we are called to walk that balance beam from death to resurrection every day.

There is only one way to do it - through His grace. It is an appropriate thing that the church gives us a special prayer to pray during these times. It is a vehicle of that grace.

"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."

Refrigerator Reflections

2011-03-09T10:24:00.003-09:00

Day 2 of my quest for recovering domesticity had a block of time scheduled that said "Kitchen". The intent of course was to spend 2-3 days spring cleaning the kitchen. Then, I woke up to a bunch of submitted assignments that took me longer than planned to grade. So, I settled on cleaning out the refrigerator.

A few thoughts went through my head...

Why do bottles of sauces always end up on their sides ending in a pool of gunk that has to be scrubbed over and over again?
Why did I wait so long to throw away leftover food that had been pushed into the dark recesses of the back of the refrigerator?
Hmmm...things that nurish, if not used properly, soon rot, stink, and are really gross. Wonder if there is a spiritual equivalent to that?
Why aren't there self-cleaning refrigerators yet?

I have a shelf in the frig that does not come out. Maybe it does, but I haven't discovered how to get it out. It is the one the produce drawers hang from, so it is at the bottom of the refrigerator, where the rest of the "stuff" falls or trickles down.

As I was attempting to get into the corners and ledges under this shelf, I thought that to really get every crumb and speck, it really has to be taken apart. It made me think of how I need to be taken apart to really see what is in the furthest most corner of my soul and get it cleaned thoroughly out. The problem is that I can't do it. I can't get all the way back there. I can't remove the shelves that are stuck or bolted in.

That is where the Holy Spirit comes in. He is the only one strong enough to remove what has to be moved and clean out the dark corners. I can remove the things sitting on the shelf, wipe it down, throw out the rotten or expired stuff, but I can't get thoroughly clean without the power/strength that comes from God's grace working in me.

It also isn't going to happen on my timeline. I do what I can, not what I can't. But I still do what I can. I work with God. I cooperate with his grace. I do my best not to resist it. I suspect that it is probably the case that those far corners of my soul will not even be clearly seen until I enter eternity and the final, great Spring Cleaning commenses. In the meantime, I have to cooperate and work to make sure that the surface areas are clean and uncluttered. It isn't a one time cleaning. It is continuous - liturgial.

So, this morning, my refrigerator isn't perfect, but it is a whole lot better than it was.

Rediscovering Domesticity

2011-03-08T11:29:00.003-09:00

My husband has strongly hinted that I need to start to nurture my domestic side again. Since I started working in October, even though it is part time, I have been hyper-focused on learning the ins and outs of teaching online. Add to that holidays and church activities and the homemaking got a bit lost in the midst of it all.

Besides, the Alaskan winter and I are still feeling each other out. Domesticity is great when it means gardening and open windows and sunshine and canning. It is just tolerable when you are inside almost all the time.

This week, in my Lenten effort to recenter my priorities, I am staying home more and trying to work on rediscovering the "domestic goddess." Today's activity was using up a carton of Meyer Lemons that I bought at Costco. I confess to making one pint of curd, but used most of the lemons to experiment with Preserved Lemons.

Preserved lemons are used in Middle Eastern cooking. I first read about them in my Williams-Sonoma preserving book, but was not overwhelmed with the inspiration to make them. Then, I saw a cooking show that was based in Morocco. The Moroccon lady was making a chicken dish which used preserved lemons. The American women that she was teaching raved about this dish and the lemons. The cook said that in Morocco they use the lemons for many dishes, and demonstrated how easy they are to make.

All you have to do is boil about ten whole lemons for 3-4 minutes. Then, after cooling, cut them into quarters. Still leave a piece of peel uncut. Sprinkle the inside of the quarters with a tablespoon of kosher salt. That is a tablespoon for each lemon. This seemed like a lot of salt to me, but we will see what the end result is. You put another tablespoon in the canning jar. I lessoned this a bit since I was using smaller jars than called for. Then, you put the lemons in the jar, fill with lemon juice, put on the tops and wait. The recipe calls for putting them in a cool, dark place for about 3 weeks - turning them every once in awhile to distribute lemon juice and salt evenly. Our arctic entry is unlikely to get too cold at this point, so it is more second refrigerator than freezer right now. That is where the jars are waiting.

So the next step in my quest is just basic cleaning - the usual quotidian mysteries, but I think I will try to do something domestically creative each day throughout this time of preparation, repentance, and anticipation. There are many projects that I have in the wings - too many - from chickens, to sewing and knitting, to crafting. I am reminded that our work is to be prayer as well. Prayer is not just words that we say, but the attitude of the heart in each thing we do.

Perhaps I can find a way, through domesticity, to rediscover the three most important disciplines of Lent. Praying through offering my work, even the most mundane, to God. Fasting, not just from food, but from my desire to put off ordering my home as part of God's creation. Alms giving to both my immediate family through my giving to them as well as to others whom I see that may be in need.

Pray for me, a sinner, throughout this Lent.

Blog Neglect

2010-12-17T18:40:00.003-09:00

Wow! It has been a month since I have posted. I should be ashamed of myself except that it is mostly do to my new job as well as Facebook. Unfortunately, due to the monopoly of an internet provider here, I also can't seem to get up enough speed to upload photos and videos which makes blogging a bit less interesting.

Still, I should be keeping up better since I know at least one friend on the east coast does not do Facebook and does check in occasionally. :-) Thankfully, there is email, or she might think I was under an iceberg or something.

Christmas is quickly approaching, and the joyful busyness of the Advent season still needs to make room for some of the silence that the approaching day deserves. It is so difficult though when there is so much going on and so much preparation. I wonder how I can find the space of silence in order to decorate my heart with the light, fragrance, and heavenly displays that the story of the Nativity should bring to mind. I have to encourage myself that my little one will not be little forever. Her continuous chatter will be dearly missed someday when I am wanting to beg her to tell me all her thoughts. So, we are at that overused phrase of "at this point in our lives." At this point in our lives, Advent is all joyful, loud anticipation - dancing, music, wrappings, parties, cookies and sugarplums.

In the midst of it all is Miriam:

playing with the Nativity set and calling the figures her "action figures"
singing "For Unto Us a Child is Born", trying to do the soprano part, actually recognizing that there are "parts"
saying, "Mommy, I have a present for you" and giving me a big hug
almost having the Christmas story, from the Bible memorized, and, when it comes to the angel's announcement, spreading her arms out and saying "Fear not! For today I bring you tidings of great joy which shall be to all people..."
and not wanting to sit on Santa's lap, but really wanting to be his friend by bringing him a cookie whenever a Santa and a cookie tray are in the same room.

Yes, I think I will treasure "this time in our lives". Perhaps true contemplation can come in the midst of trumpets blaring. Perhaps, we need to find that silent space within our hearts in the midst of it all - the good, the bad, the blessed, and the carnal that this crazy and wonder-filled time represents.

Advent Begins

2010-11-18T08:21:00.004-09:00

In the Orthodox Church, Advent is the entire 40 Days before Christmas! It is a time of fasting and prayer, preparation, reflection....It is always a struggle for me to focus my attention on the spiritual aspects of this time in the frenzy of consumerism that is all around me.

Gift giving is an important aspect of this holiday, but sometimes I get so caught up in the worry of what to get my immediate family, what about the extended family, should we try to have some people over, etc. that I miss the quiet heart preparation that this time is supposed to be about. It will never happen that I have all my gifts prepared by November. That just isn't the way my brain works. So I have to find time to be still in the midst of it all.

Now, just like most women, I actually really love to shop. I hate large crowds and long lines, but love the beautiful Christmas decorations and the comraderie and, yes, a kind of joy, in the whole atmosphere of giving and celebrating. The problem is that when that is ALL there is and the material becomes all that the celebration is about, we have stepped out of light and into darkness. The miracle of Christmas is the coming of spiritual light into our material darkness to redeem both the spiritual and the material.

It isn't that the gifts and giving and feasting is wrong. In fact, it is very right! The problem is that it can stop being a means of love and become an obsession, even a competition at times. I have found myself fall into this in the past. Giving became something of a duty, a checklist, a hurry up and buy something...anything...just buy. This is not part of what Christmas is about.

With the help of my husband, I am beginning to break away from some of that obsession. He comes from the opposite end of the spectrum. Growing up in a Jewish home that did not celebrate Christmas, he sees it from an outside perspective at times.

So, our family is trying to find ways to keep the celebration simple, joyful, meaningful. I am trying to find ways to form my own traditions, keeping some from my family, some from Bob's, but finding ways to keep the season in our hearts and not just in our material treasure houses. In the end, perhaps, our child will move a step closer to the creche and one step further away from the cashier when she forms traditions of her own.

Finally!

2010-11-16T17:49:00.002-09:00

It is amazing how dependent one gets on little computer helps. On our old computer, we had all the passwords "remembered" and in a secret little link. Then, the computer decided to rebel, and yours truly couldn't remember any of them. Since I am that part of the family brain, it was a tad bit disasterous.

So, I finally was able to get back onto blogger after many tries.

Advent has begun for those of us who worship in the Eastern Orthodox tradition. I am trying to keep things even keeled for all of us as well as providing Miriam with some appropriate preparation activities.

One thing we are attempting is making our own Nativity figures using wool, pipe cleaners, and other crafty stuff. It is lots of fun! I think I am love with wool and just must get my spinning and knitting skills up to par.

When I can get blogger to upload my photos I will post a couple of the donkey, sheep, and baby Jesus that we have made so far.

A Wannabe Vintage Conneisseur

2010-10-30T08:03:00.002-08:00

This morning, my sister sent me an email with a link to several apron patterns at Flamingo Toes. The only time I really wear an apron is if I am cooking and have nice clothes on, but I do them, especially the ones being made today that have that adorable vintage look to them. Miriam loves them also and probably wears them more than I do.

While persuing the site, I saw the cutest tutorial for making a serving tower - the kind for cookies, fruit, and tiny savories that would be used in a tea room - made out of china dishes and tea cups. It is really cute! I want to go down to the stuff that is still boxed up and see what in my tea collection I would be willing to part with to make it.

I collect tea cups, tea pots, and all kinds of tea accoutrements, but just do not have the storage right now to display it all. some of my teacups are heirlooms given to me by my aunt before she passed away. They were handed down to her from her aunt. I definitely never want to make something out of them. However, I do have some cheaper cups without saucers. I am going to keep a look out for odd plates as well.

Of course, the problem is going to be wear does one store such an item when one does not live in a palace. I think I could figure it out....

One of my goals this winter is to carve out a weekly space for sewing and crafting. I find it so rewarding to have this outlet for my creativity. My home benefits, my family benefits, and I benefit. For awhile, I have just not scheduled it and so end up with my down time being at 9 p.m. collapsing in front of the television.

So, in order to make my home the tea lovers vintage paradise that I would love to have, I have made up a weekly schedule that at least attempts to carve out some time for sewing and crafting and sometime for the major household projects. Christmas is coming. I have a couple of projects up my sleeve, so here's hoping that the new schedule works out for all of us.

Winter Wonderland

2010-10-29T07:51:00.003-08:00

It amazes me that I have lived in Alaska for over three years and still enjoy the first snows. Today, we have about 4 inches on the ground from last night's snowfall. We have discussed all the possibilities of what to do in the snow today. Snowman, snow fort, a ride on the sled...

One of my goals is to go to Play It Again Sports, a store here that sells previously used equipment, and see what other fun snow things we can find for Miriam. As soon as it stops getting above freezing, Bob will plow part of the driveway smooth and make a huge puddle with the hose to be our skating rink for the winter. The problem with buying new skates is that the child grows out of them too quickly for a normal middle class budget. I have yet to see around here the type of skates I used as a child. The kind that fit on your boot and are somewhat adjustable in size. Am I remembering this incorrectly? I know they still have roller skates like that, and I seem to have a vague memory of it being cold enough one year to skate on the pond at Lansdowne High School when I was still in elementary school.

Another item that I would love to find used is a Norwegian kick-sled. I have suggested buying this for Christmas, but it is a bit pricey. I want one for myself too. If I were handy with tools, I would attempt to build one. This sled is a cross between skis and a dog sled and is powered by your feet. It looks like it would be so much fun. The only drawback is the fact that the kids version looks like it would be more fun with a friend to sit in the seat. Still, there are dolls and such that could fit in.

Here comes a bit of a rabbit trail....We got the American Girl catalog in the mail. They now have a dog sled and husky as well as northern garb for your American Girl doll. Sigh...The little girl inside of me felt like I was on my mother's sofa looking at the Sears "Wish Book."

Another snow toy that I am drooling over may seem a bit silly to all those serious winter sporting fans. A local sporting goods store has these plastic "snowshoes" that look like giant monster feet. Besides appealling to my totally geeky fantasy side of life, it has an eminently practical side. It is something Miriam can do by herself! Not that I hate being out in the snow, but I am in that category know as middle aged. I can only pull, push, roll, and build so much. I suspect that only these cheesy snowshoes would introduce a new "friend" into the imaginary menagerie that we live with. New stories would emerge, whole conversations with invisible people held, and possibly a plot for a future book by a budding author discovered. I think that may be a good purchase this weekend.

Wish they sold them in my size...

The New Circus Act

2010-10-27T07:55:00.003-08:00

I just realized that I have been horrible keeping up with this blog lately. This is partly due to overinvolvement with Facebook. Mostly, it is due to a month of learning to adapt my juggling and balancing routines to include more stuff. It is all good stuff, but is requiring some retraining and practice on my part. "The show must go on", afterall.

So here is a little of what the Feldman Family circus act is looking like these days.

Bob has started his Master's Degree program. I am so happy that he is able to take this step. It will open up a couple of different opportunities for him. Currently, he is Department Head of General Education at Charter College. With the Master's Degree, he will be able to move into an even more adminstrative position, maybe even by next summer. So one road would lead to first becoming Associate Dean, then, in the future, Dean.

The other option would be to return to K-8 teaching in the public school. He will definitely be renewing his certification. His Master's will be in K-8 science education. There are a couple of charter school possibilities that would give him the chance of teaching in a manner that is directed at the needs and interests of the whole child. We both find this intriguing. The other plus is that the benefit package would be a lot better than what he has now.

I started a part-time job teaching with Charter College Online in the last month. At first, it was a liason position which I like to call the Deadbeat Officer. I have to monitor students who are behind, contact them, encourage them to get their work in, and help them with any problems. I have an hour at the Wasilla Campus each week when they can come in for help. Some of the students have never used a computer, yet are taking online classes. I feel like I am back to my old job as Academic Counselor at AACS...but this time it is with adults.

Starting next Monday, I will also be teaching an online course in Outlook and Powerpoint. I will do this from home, but it is a challenge teaching something that, although proficient in using them myself, I have never taught before. So, this week, I am working through the ins and outs of using all the various applications needed to teach via the internet. It is quite an adventure, especially when I have a little one needing my attention as well.

I also have helped to get the Sunday School program at church off the ground. We have hit a few bumps in the road, but the kids are benefitting tremendously from having something directed specifically to them.

We are still slowly working on the many projects in the house. We painted a dressing table that Bob got at a yard sale this summer for $10. It is beautiful! I reupholstered the seat in a pink and yellow daisy fabric that Miriam and I picked out together. She is really enjoying having a place to put her girly dress up stuff.

Miriam's homeschool has had to be reduced to about 2 days a week until I get further into my teaching assignment for Charter, but we are still working hard. We are not doing swim lessons in a group setting for awhile, but plan on having one on one instruction with Mommy during parent-child swim in Palmer. She was asked to repeat the lowest level for the third time because she can not do a good backstroke while being held on her back. Since at the lowest level, they might get 2-3 chances during the entire course to attempt this, I thought it more efficient to work one on one for awhile. We are still thinking of another option for a group class.

Well, I have to sign off, get everyone dressed and out this morning.

PFD Dreams

2010-10-07T20:54:00.004-08:00

It is PFD day in Alaska. Everyone feels rich for a day when that socialistic check - or checks - are deposited in your almost empty bank account. Shoppers invade the nearest retail mecca, buy plane tickets for long planned vacations, and probably are surfing the net for those deals you just can't get in Alaska.

What did I do? I stayed home with a sick child and registered with my credit union's bill pay application. That's right...I paid bills. Boring, but necessary, to help us survive the ever encroaching threat of retirement.

That doesn't mean that I can't dream. So, I have been thinking of what I would do with the PFD if I didn't have so much debt to pay off. Oh...let's qualify all these dreams with the concept that tithe and taxes are already paid as well.

Dream #1

I would travel back to Maryland and spend a couple of weeks just being with my family and friends back there. I would allow my mother to read and read and read to Miriam and to play the piano so that M could dance. I would play Quiddler, Phase 10, and Oxford Challenge while snacking mindlessly on junk that was totally unhealthy. Fudge, penuche, donuts...We would go to Annapolis, walk around all the little shops, feed the ducks, and eat lunch at Galway Bay. I would eat at all the cheesy (in some circles) restaurants that I miss - Panera, Chik-Fil-A, P.F. Changs, and the Sunset Lounge. I would have a nice long talk with my best friend. She could tell me all about her daily adventures and struggles as a teacher. I would tell her about my Alaskan adventures. We would shop. Maybe catch a movie - the latest Harry Potter if it were the right time. I would just spend as much time with my mother as possible. I would then come home feeling like I had had my "fix" for awhile.

Dream 2

I would buy new laminate flooring for my main floor. I would finish Miriam's bedroom by paying someone to actually help me move stuff, paint, and move stuff back.

Dream 3

I would open up a date account at a bank. This is where my husband and I would get money to go out once in awhile by ourselves. I would put Miriam's money in a trust fund.

Finally,

Yes, there is that dream where I actually just blow $500 - $1000 shopping. New clothes for all of us and some of those cool Waldorf inspired toys at Magic Cabin for Miriam.

These are selfish dreams. There is no altruism or charity here. Ideally, if we were not in debt, we would just donate the whole shebang to something worthwhile. But, I am not at that altruistic or charitable point today. I am craving some retail therapy or a nice dinner out with my husband. I am craving finishing just one room in my house. I am craving a vacation with my family.

So here is to next year's PFD, if it survives into next year! May you inspire lots of daydreams.

Teacher Appreciation

2010-10-06T11:12:00.002-08:00

I am still looking for templates for a couple of Christmas gift ideas. I came across this site which has excellent ideas for art, crafts, and gifts for children. In perusing the contents, I also saw a group with a tag of "Teacher Gifts." Being a teacher in the past (and a homeschool teacher in the present), I of course had to review them.

They aren't too bad actually. It is always fun to get things that students have put some effort into making. However, the best ones on the page would be the ones that use consumable items - the little pill box with office supplies and cute messages and the decorated bottle of antibiotic gel. These are things that are continually used. Cute versions of them give a bit of a lift.

Anytime you can give teachers replacements of supplies, please do so. Much of the time, teachers have to spend their own money on such things. When I first became a teacher, I taught in a small underfunded private school. I had to buy all but the most basic materials (i.e. chalk) for my classroom. So really fun office supplies are a great way to help a teacher out.

I will say, though, that sometimes something more personal is really appreciated. There are times when a teacher begins to feel almost like a 19th century domestic servant. Rarely does a parent actually come in just to chat and get to know you. It is very much a business arrangement in which the teacher usually sees the parent when there is a problem. Remember that the teacher is a human being. She/he may hate apples and cute little teacher motif ceramics and coffee mugs.

What do teachers like? The same things you do. Here are some ideas. Some cost money and some don't.

Does your teacher have to eat lunch with the class? Even some public schools do not have cafeterias. If so, relieve her/him for lunch once a month...or even once a week. You would be amazed how much this will be appreciated.
Lower grade teachers often have a lot of cutting and crafting to do for projects. This is not as fun as it seems when you do it all the time. Offer to take some of this type of work home and do it.
Volunteer to plan a fieldtrip or special event.
Bring the teacher lunch from a carryout or even something you made at home - a great salad or soup and sandwich.
Give gift cards - for coffee/tea shops, bookstores, movies, and nice restaurants...how about a massage or day spa. Such luxuries are as appreciated by teachers as they would be by you.
A note of thanks with specific things that you appreciate about the teacher. I once got a note from a father thanking me for teaching geography with a quote from John Adams about how important geography was to American students.

My all time favorite gift was given to me by a group of seventh graders. They painted the final goodbye scene from The Lord of the Rings for me. It showed Gandalf and the hobbits and the boat that would sail to Valinor. The boat was named for me. My room mother had it framed for me. This was such a thoughtful gift because it showed my students knew me and what I liked, they put love and effort into it, and, did their best work.

Thoughtfulness, effort, and love...what greater gift could be given.

October Beauties

2010-10-05T15:47:00.004-08:00

One thing that helps me to appreciate life in Alaska - so far away and so different from Baltimore - are the daily beauties of life up here. I can sit at my dining room table and look up to the "foothills" called the Talkeetna Mountains. No matter what the season, they stand confident in their own permanence and dignity. It seems strange to say that mountains have dignity, but they do. Right now, they are covered in the browns and reds of late fall. Winter will be coming soon to Hatcher Pass. It won't be long at all until I will be looking at their pure white winter mantle for the next 7? or 8? months.

There is even a satisfaction in seeing our abundant garden almost completely dried up and bare. Bob is beginning to tuck it in for the winter by covering it up with the plastic that the wind ripped off the greenhouse. There are still some root vegetables in the ground and the romaine lettuce is still growing, but the rest is definitely DONE. It is the sight of work finished, or soon to be. What better to look upon in a world where right now work is scarce for many.

This past Sunday, we discovered a minor miracle that was also making a last gasp for life and color. Last year, we had a fantastic, unusually warm and sunny summer. Our sunflowers never bloomed. This year, we started them early inside hoping for another gorgeous summer. It was not to be. Summer was a record of 31 days of precipitation. It wasn't that cold, just wet. The sunflowers grew, but showed no signs of blooming. Last week, the autumn winds destroyed most of what the moose had left of the garden. All but one of the sunflowers were ripped up. The one remaining was now bent horizontal. It did not seem likely that its beginnings of a blossom would mature. It really looked down and out.

Then, despite having colds and it being cold outside, we took a walk and saw...

Modes of Communication

2010-10-03T12:56:00.002-08:00

Today in Sunday School, my first and second graders and I learned a valuable lesson. The lesson is that we are fearfully and wonderfully made by God, each one of us unique from the other, eternally valued, and precious in His sight.

Anyone who has ever taught knows that the teacher learns along with the students. I am weary as I type this because Miriam is currently having a pre-nap meltdown, and also because I had to step out of my comfort zone and deal with something as "Christian Education Director" at church.

I admit that I communicate far better via electronics and writing than I do directly one-on-one. I hate conflict over everyday stuff. So when someone practically tells me that they want me to handle something immediately - or at least every tone and body language suggests that - I cringe, do it, and seldom handle it well. I am the kind of person who needs time to figure out just the right way to approach an issue.

Having taught for many years, I know that the beginning of a class is rarely the time to go talk to the teacher about an issue. I have to teach a class as well so am not really overjoyed to have my train of thought interrupted either.

I think the problem arises when we can not learn to appreciate that the way God designed one person to communicate is not necessarily how he designed the next person. It isn't that one way is better than the other. Sometimes, we need to step out of our comfort zone to be more effective in a situation, but that does not mean that those who are face-to-face people always communicate better than those of us who are writers/emailers.

I think the times when I make the most mistakes are when those when I do not have time to think first and pray first about how to approach a topic and instead have to storm in and haphazardly fling out words like arrows.

We need to try to learn more about each other and not always expect our issue to be handled in our way and in our time. I know that I need to pray more before I speak or type. I need to seek to understand before I am necessarily understood. Living as a community requires change and sacrifice on everyone's part.

Christmas in October

2010-10-01T09:51:00.003-08:00

I have begun to think about Christmas. Yes, I know it is early, and I really don't relish seeing Christmas cards and decorations just yet in the stores. However, every year, I have to start thinking about how to handle gift giving in my large extended family. I have already cut significantly down to sending cards to grown nieces and nephews and sticking to gifts just for sibilngs, Miriam's godparents, and her godbrother. A few years ago, I sent a bunch of canned goods - smoked salmon, jam, etc. I will probably do this on a smaller scale this year because the shipping is out of sight with something that heavy. It is really difficult to pack as well.

This year, I am looking at some simple ideas that are light, mostly consumable, but still fulfill the mission of saying, "I love you...miss you...wish you a Merry Christmas!" Of course, a card can do this, but sometimes one wishes to give at least a small gift. I also want Miriam to see that we give to others outside of our household and remind her that she does have family in other states.

There is also the other side of the equation as well. I was talking to my mother today about how we really want to scale down on quantity and go for quality when it comes to Christmas gifts. For some reason, this is really difficult for some people to grasp. I spend an extraordinary amount of time picking up not only craft scraps, but little toys from kids meals and the dollar store that break easily, have little educational value, etc. It isn't that I am not grateful for the love shown in providing my child with such iconic American experiences of having a zillion small plastic toys. It is just that it really does create stress in our home.

I am slowly working on Miriam's new bedroom which has been a shared office/toy area. I get a lot of complaints about the toys from the one using the office the most. So, I am trying to scout out good storage solutions that would help Miriam and myself keep things in order. The big rubbermaid containers just end up being a situation of "toss it all in". Some of the bin organizers offered in Target are not just flimsy looking, but really don't have all that much storage room. I have seen one shelving unit with baskets that could transition as she grows.

The main thing I have to think about is how do I pare down what she has and yet still provide good meaningful toys for her. She is my only child. There are some things that I would like to get, but I am often forced to consider the fact that she will be getting packages overflowing with stuff during the holidays. How do I protect her from getting too much and still provide what I think is something of quality as well as watch the budget. So, I am going to try to make somethings in my limited sewing sessions.

I also have to constantly remind myself of the goal. I really don't want to raise a Veruca Salt (from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). I want good toys and experiences that last a long time and provide joy as well as some limits so that the toy actually is enjoyed and doesn't end up at the bottom of a heap of materialism. Consumables are always really good too - craft supplies, bath stuff, clothes, treats. I don't want Christmases and birthdays where she, like Dudley Dursley, is counting her gifts and tossing them aside to get to the next one. I want to instill gratitude and respect even for possessions as well as for the giver. I want our holidays to be about our faith and family - not greed. This is a tough one for me. It is a discipline. I really can use all the support I can get from my family in helping us with the goal.

That Time of Year

2010-09-30T13:23:00.003-08:00

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. Growing up in Maryland, the heat and humidity were so stifling during the summer and into September that the cool October breezes were energizing. The glorious autumn colors seemed to declare that the earth was celebrating, putting forth all her best and most beautiful foliage before the dark, cold winters. Of course, back then, I didn't really truly understand what a dark, cold winter could really be like. Nevertheless, I loved the smells and sights of the changing world.

Now, living in a more rural environment, I also find autumn to be almost the busiest time of year. Our garden produce must be brought in and preserved. I change the way I cook, more soups, stews, and baking. The autumn smell here is what Miriam describes as "sweet but stinky" from the ripe high bush cranberries - really a type of wild currant with a very pungent smell. The surrounding mountains are topped with termination dust, but you can still see the shades of red, gold, and brown on the tundra. So, despite a VERY busy last six weeks in which Bob started grad school, Miriam started homeschool, and I started training for a new telecommuting job, I still delight in the time of year.

Except for one thing...the over emphasis all around us in the commercial world on Halloween. Those who know me know that I really don't like to make a big deal about the day. I don't want to judge others. I don't want my child to have an attraction to something greatly mysterious and forbidding. Nor do Bob and I want to glorify fear or evil.

We try to keep the emphasis on autumn and harvest in our household. We have no problem with happy pumpkins or happy scarecrows. We love fantasy, but we love the kind of fantasy that makes a clear distinction between good and evil and shows that evil can be overcome. Indeed, it has been overcome. We are just in a time where it continues a bit of guerilla warfare.

Miriam would like to decorate a pumpkin this year that looks like Legolas from The Lord of the Rings. We aren't making a big deal about this idea. If we get to it, fine. If not, fine. She is very frightened of Halloween store displays (the scary ones) and begs me not to go near them when we shop.

This is all a prelude to what happened at storytime today. I knew the storytime was called "Orange Pumpkins", but it is still SEPTEMBER. There were also storytimes called "red apples," "yellow corn", and "brown nuts." So I am thinking that, although a jack-o-lantern might appear in one or two books, it will mostly be fall and harvest and that sort of thing. The first book was exactly what I expected. It is called Pumpkin, Pumpkin and shows the life cycle of a pumpkin a little boy is growing. In the end, he makes a jack-o-lantern and saves seeds to plant again. Very innocent. Beautiful illustrations.

Now, on the book table, I see lots of harvest type books, but the reader pulls a book from the back. It is called Pumpkin Eye. It has a witch and some ghosts in it. Miriam starts to get fidgety. I try to catch the reader's eye and communicate through a worried look that this might not be the best direction. (I also have another child with me whose family does not celebrate Halloween. So, it isn't just my child that I need to worry about.) The librarian sees my look. She pulls another book from behind all the pumpkin harvest books that is called Very Scary. She explains that it is difficult to find pumpkin books that are interesting that are not Halloween themed. "These kids would be bored to death." Very Scary is written very simply, but includes very scary pictures of "spirits floating down the streets", witches, werewolves, etc. Miriam started rolling around on the beanbag chair trying to hide her face. I don't know what to do. Do we get up, find our shoes (which are always taken off at storytime), and leave in the middle? I told her to close her eyes. "But I can't close my ears!" was her reply. Thankfully, it wasn't long and was the last book before the craft. At the end of the book, the reader said, "Are all of you going to carve a face on a pumpkin for Halloween?" Miriam pipes up loudly and says, "Excuse me, but we don't celebrate Halloween at our house." Out of the mouths of babes...

I relate all this to say that even from a purely secular, educational viewpoint, there are ways to celebrate autumn that do not involve reading books like Very Scary to the preschool crowd. There is so much talk about political correctness, but this is an area that is totally ignored. No matter what our religious beliefs or lack of them, children need to be exposed to beauty, pure and good imagination, love, and peace - not ugliness and fear. Think about what you are putting in the child's memory! Would you allow your four year old to watch a bloody murder on television? Why, then, is it all right to let him or her see a bloody ghoul or dress up as a murderer on Halloween? I know that some people find fun in a good scare, but there is such a thing as age appropriateness.

Worst Kitchen Contest Final Plea

2010-08-27T08:42:00.002-08:00

This is my introductory story to try to glean some votes from the Crohn's Forum, but I thought it might be helpful for others to see again WHY we need a new kitchen.

Hello. My name is Mary Beth Feldman. My husband has Crohn’s disease. He found out he had it through a secondary disease called pyoderma gangrenosum which he developed while trying to build our house on his own. (This was before we were married.) He worked full-time, would come home, and work late building the house in semi-rural Alaska. He was under pressure to get it at least under roof and heated before the Alaskan winter set in. He was living in the house while finishing it when he became deathly ill. He would have died, if not for a 16 year old neighbor boy who stayed the night with him and called for help when he could not rouse him in the morning.

While trying to diagnose the pyoderma gangrenosum, it was discovered that Bob had Crohn’s disease. His mother had also suffered from it and died from a perforated bowel while on massive pain medication for breast cancer.

Bob and I met on the internet while he was still recovering from a neck injury incurred in a fall while still recovering from the pyoderma. One of the areas effected was his leg. He moved to Maryland, and we were planning on getting married on July 10, 2004. Unfortunately, another Crohn’s flare up landed him in the hospital. It was quite severe to the point that doctor’s thought he had a tumor in his colon. We ended up getting married 2 weeks later than planned.

Bob’s health has been, for the most part, stable since then. He will occasionally have mild flare ups which require lots of tests. He is on immune suppressants as well as Asacol. He also continues to take pain medication for the severely herniated disk in his neck.

He continues to work full-time as a college instructor. However, our house is still not finished. We can’t afford to hire anyone to do major renovation or finishing projects, so have to work on it slowly ourselves. Because of Bob’s health, “extra” work has to be done at a very slow pace. We have a four year old child, so I can’t do it alone.

Right now, we are trying to win a local contest to renovate our very patched together kitchen. We only have a few days left to get as many votes as possible. It really is important that we have a kitchen that is easy to keep clean and as sterile as possible. I am asking anyone out there to please vote for the Feldman kitchen in the AlaskaBuild.com contest. Here is the link. It is not a scam. There is no spam involved. Just a lot of hope. Thanks!

Worst Kitchen Contest Entry

Tea Time

2010-08-23T10:18:00.005-08:00

Saturday I really felt the need for some pampering. So, after our routine Saturday breakfast at Mat-Su Family Restaurant (our one meal out a week), I requested that we make a stop at Meta Rose Square for some girly window shopping before going to that male mecca known as Sportsman's Warehouse to get Bob shoes.

As I window shopped in All I Saw Cookware, I noticed that they had a Children's Tea that was totally herbal and, better yet, comes out a beautiful rosy pink. I decided to surprise Miriam after her nap. She and her dad were perusing the books at Annabel's Used Book store to give me some undisturbed time to look, so it really would be a surprise. My discretionary account was small, but I decided to push the boundary just a bit - a package of the tea, a beautiful petit four with a tiny pink rose on top, and a generously sized truffle for the adults. (I ended up eating all of it.)

When I got up to the counter, the salesperson just happened to be one of Bob's former students. This is not unusual since it seems that about a quarter of the population around here knows him one way or another. She asked if I wanted to sign up for one of those cards that gives you a discount after you spend an exorbitant amount. I started to fill out the form when I remembered that Bob had signed up for it for me when he bought me a Kitchen Aid attachment two years ago for Christmas. Sure enough, I was in the computer. Better yet, I had a five dollar credit. Woo Hoo!

When Miriam started stirring from her nap, I told her to put on a dress appropriate for a tea party. She chose a new dress up outfit fashioned in Indian style seen in the Jungle Book. She was so delighted with her surprise. The petit four was especially appreciated!

Why Vote for My Kitchen

2010-08-17T10:03:00.003-08:00

I will admit that I am a bit weary of shameless self promotion in regards to the Worst Kitchen Contest. I need to be creative in my efforts to win a new kitchen, but I don't want to go to the tactic of pointing out how much better other kitchens in the contest are than mine. After all, mine is obviously better than some others as well. I am sort of sitting in the middle right now.

So, I thought to myself "What are the main reasons a perfect stranger should vote for my kitchen?" Here is what I came up with.

This kitchen has been waiting for at least ten years to have a major overhaul. For those who did not read my previous blog, my husband suffered a major illness (almost dying) and long hospitalization in the middle of building the house himself.
We are a family where one member has a chronic, lifelong auto-immune disease. It is important that things be kept as sanitary as possible. This is difficult when you are using OSB as a countertop and have ill-fitting linoleum.
As in all families, we spend A LOT of time in the kitchen. We grow many of our vegetables. This time of year, I am spending lots of time preserving - blanching, freezing, canning, etc. Most of our meals are made from scratch. We can't afford a lot of convenience, either monetarily or health-wise.
If we don't win, we will survive. But fixing the problems in the kitchen will be long and arduous. It will mean balancing the need for rest (for health purposes) and the do-it-yourself tasks that will be required to fit our budget. Eventually, it may get done, but little by little.

So, yes, I realize that my kitchen is not in the worst shape. We don't have the biggest family. We will continue the race towards home renovation and completion be it ever so slowly.

I so appreciate the support that I have received from family and friends during the contest. So many of you have gone the extra mile. I have been blessed through participation in the contest just by your encouragement.

All that said...I still would like to win. So, please go by Alaska Build and vote for the Feldman kitchen. Thanks!

The Introvert's Daughter

2010-08-16T10:44:00.002-08:00

I come from a long line of introverts. My mother would say that on her side - or as she is found of saying "OUR people" - it is an even mix of extroverts and introverts. She sometimes forgets that we get our genes from two different genetic lines, not just one.

My daughter, however, is quite an extrovert. When we are in public, I have to remind myself to look people in the eye and smile. Miriam, on the other hand, will see a strange kid and within five minutes have introduced herself, asked the other child's name and request that the child play with her. This is somewhat exhausting for me.

I feel for her though. We live out in the beautiful Alaskan countryside, but she has two middle aged adults 95% of the time for company. She has made up a menagerie of imaginary friends, but it is not the same as having kids to play with.

When Sunday rolls around, she is so excited to go to church and see other kids. This is the time when I have the most difficult time with her. Miriam still hasn't come to understand the harsh realities of social interaction. She believes that all the kids are just as excited to see her as she is to see them. She prefers older kids to kids her own age, but we all know that older kids really don't want to "babysit" a tag-along.

When I was growing up, I was continuously taught the maxim, "If they don't want you around, don't go near them." I also, growing up in a very strict Christian home, had it drilled into me that I probably wouldn't have any friends because I was a Christian and didn't do all the things (obviously evil) that other kids would be doing. So, being an introvert and having these lessons continuously taught in both spoken and unspoken ways, developed an way of withdrawing from interaction even when I most craved it. I ended up feeling backward in pretty much any company. I don't blame my parents, especially my mother, for enforcing this attitude. We lived in a neighborhood that did not reinforce conservative moral values for the most part. My parents were afraid we would compromise what we believed and our moral standards in order to fit in.

However, I do not want my child to go down the same road. She is a different person than myself. There are plenty of people around who share our moral and religious values. So, I don't want to teach her to withdraw when someone rejects you or hurts your feelings. I want her to use it to understand people better.

Yesterday, she had a total meltdown when kids that she thought she was playing with ran off into the woods and abandoned her. She is not allowed in the woods without an adult. We have our reasons for this rule. This is rural Alaska. She is four. She doesn't carry a gun. She was both worried for her friends and felt hurt by the abandonment. I was too exhausted to deal with her irrational hysteria. I tried to get her to stay with kids her own age. She is not interested.

Today, we could talk calmly about it. Did I tell her, "They don't want you so just stay with me."? No! I tried to show her what to learn from it.

Older kids do not always want to play a long time with younger kids. It is better to find someone closer to your own age.
Different families have different rules. Obedience sometimes is hard, but rules are made out of love and concern for safety. I commended her on obeying even when it meant not being with her friends.
Eventually, I will be able to use this experience to teach her about how to treat those younger than herself. "Remember how you have felt when older kids acted like they wanted to play with you and then ran off and left you alone? Don't do it that way with kids littler than you!"

I feel like I am helping her navigate a shark pool and still enjoy the beautiful scenery. Society is like that. We have to make ourselves vulnerable to have relationships. We will be hurt. We will have to make sacrifices. But in the end, those relationships will be worth the pain.

These are difficult lessons for an introvert to teach an extrovert, but, by the grace of God, we will manage.

Opportunities

2010-08-10T15:47:00.002-08:00

I got a call today from my husband. I could hear his boss, Dean of Education at Charter College's Wasilla campus, talking a mile a minute in the background. It seems that Charter's online campus wants to have a base at the Wasilla campus. Was I interested in applying for teaching? Yes, yes, yes!

I have been looking for possible sources of income from home that are legitimate. My current project is trying, in the midst of housekeeping, child rearing, husband tending, gardening, preserving and not sleeping, to start a grant writing business. The problem is that I need help moving things around in the house to create office space for both of us and a bedroom for our child. Things have been so crazy at work that Bob has not been able to work on this much.

So hearing that I could possibly work at home for someone else? Perfect! I really want to do this! I have looked at teaching online for other colleges, but they all require experiences teaching adults. Fourteen years of teaching middle schoolers, being team leader, and acting as academic counselor just doesn't cut it. So, this would give me experience that I need to move to adjunct teaching in other venues as well.

As in all things, I pray "as the Lord wills"...but, boy, it is exciting to think about!

Science of Sauerkraut

2010-08-09T09:59:00.004-08:00

I live with the Sauerkraut King. Every year, we plant at least two kinds of cabbage. The kind that grows into the famous giant Alaskan cabbages that have set world records and the nice small kind that you find in the grocery store.

Saturday, my neighbor called and asked if we would like

some of their cabbages. She has so many that she has to give them away before the slugs totally decimate them. We took five heads. Bob still didn't want to cut the giant cabbages. It is always fun to see just how big they can get, and we usually don't harvest them for another month. I was concerned though about the slug damage. It has been a warm, very wet summer here which has been slug heaven...or maybe, for us humans, slug something else.

Last night we started to make the kraut, but found more slug damage in the heads we were given. Bob went out and cut the giant heads, but almost none of it could be used. We were able to make about half of what we usually make.

Sauerkraut making is really a science. It isn't that difficult in and of itself. Just shredded cabbage and salt allowed to ferment for four to six weeks, but because of the nature of fermentation, sterility of equipment is essential.

The first step to our sauerkraut process is cleaning the area thoroughly. Not just wiping things down with the dishrag, but using a white vinegar and water solution to kill any bacteria that may be around the counters and kitchen table. We do not have a sauerkraut crock, but use a five gallon food grade bucket. This has to be sterilized with vinegar as well. We have also used bleach in the past, but this then has to be rinsed thoroughly.

Our favorite all purpose vinegar. It seems appropriate for an Orthodox Christian home.

When the kitchen laboratory is as sterile as you can make it, the next step is gathering your ingredients. Fresh picked cabbage from the garden or farmer's market and pickling/canning salt. Bob had the job of inspecting the cabbage for any remaining pests and damage. He dissected them very thoroughly as he chopped them into chucks. Because of the slug problem, I took each chunk and gave it a quick douse in cold salt water, then let it drain in a colander.

After letting it drain a bit, I shredded the cabbage with one of my culinary treasures, the CuisineArt food processor. We may have a very rustic kitchen, but my husband likes power tools of all kinds. His food hobbies as well as my wonderful father-in-laws Christmas gifts have provided me with a couple of really great tools.

When the food processor is full, I dump the finely shredded cabbage into the bucket. Bob sprinkles canning salt over it and mixes it with very clean hands. We do this until the cabbage is gone. Then, Bob mixes it a final time with his hands and punches it down with his fist. Sauerkraut needs to be pressed down as much as possible. This pressing must continue throughout fermentation, so we put a large clean plate on top of the cabbage. On top of the plate, we put a gallon jug of water and three zip-lock bags of salt water on the plate to add weight to the press. The salt water is important, because if a bag starts to leak, we do not want the level of salt to be decreased in the sauerkraut.

The bucket is then covered with a clean towel, the lid is placed on the top, and it is dated. Then, we put the bucket under the kitchen table for about six weeks. Bob will check it about twice during this time to check for any mold and to spoon off any floating cabbage.

Notice the sauerkraut history on the lid, as well as a note of moving history.

At the end of the six weeks, if all goes well, we have delicious sauerkraut that we either put in canning jars or zip lock backs and refrigerate. It lasts us through the winter.

We are at Number 1

2010-08-06T20:59:00.002-08:00

It is difficult to deal with this level of excitement, but after one week of being a finalist in the Worst Kitchen Contest being sponsored by Royal Interiors, we are in first place. Everyone else is close behind us, and the pressure is building.

So many of my family and friends are working hard to get as many votes as possible for me. I really have been very moved by the encouragement that they have given us.

We still have three weeks to go.

If you haven't voted for our kitchen, go to this link at Alaska Build and vote for entry #3. Thank you!

Rainy Day Chores

2010-08-06T09:54:00.002-08:00

This summer has almost convinced me that the beautiful Alaskan sunny day summers are a myth! I am still holding onto the memory of last summer to sustain me, but these cloudy, rainy days that produce a slug fest in the garden just have got me dragging.

One thing I am trying to do is focus on stuff needing to be done inside the house. It seems that I am always trying to get this house organized. It is so far a three year plus job. There has been progress however. I have my sewing stuff moved to the main room in the basement. We have some of the office moved down there as well, and Bob is working on making room in his office to move the desk and computer stuff down there.

One thing that is a great motivator toward organization is the arrival of new things. This week, we received a gift of new flat screened television. It is wonderful! (Thanks, Gary!) It is helping us to focus on an area of the living room that has been a problem. So, this weekend, that is our joint project. Today, I am working on taking more books down to the ever growing basement library.

I also am inventorying our clothing and food stock for the coming autumn and winter. We only have a small chest freezer beyond the one connected to the refrigerator, so I have to estimate what I have left for freezing from the garden as well as what we need to buy in the meat and fish department. For our meatless meals, we still stick with dairy and fish because Bob can not have many bean dishes, but must keep his proteins levels up. So, I have to keep all this in mind in order to stock up well.

I inventoried Miriam's clothes this morning. What a blessing hand me down's are! My sister-in-law has a friend who has a little girl a couple of years older than Miriam. This little girl has a LOT of clothes. They are always in excellent shape when passed down. My sister-in-law ships them all the way from Maryland for Miriam. The family lived in Germany for a time, so Trinity had a lot of very warm clothes. We are well stocked with jeans, warm fleece sweatpants, and cordoroys. I have a couple of skirts and dresses to sew just for fun. The only things we will need to buy are undershirts, socks, tights, maybe some leggings, and winter boots and shoes.

I still need to get cracking on more preserving, cleaning, and inventorying the grown-up clothes, but so far, so good.

Faith and Food

2010-08-04T09:04:00.003-08:00

Miriam helping to make Prosphora (Communion Bread)

Yesterday, I went to a meet a visiting bishop who is teaching at the Summer Institute at Saint John the Evangelist Cathedral in Eagle River, Alaska. When I received the phone call that he was coming to Saint Herman's (our little church in Wasilla) in half an hour, I really debated whether to push myself and Miriam out. I am so glad that I did.

Bishop Ilia (Bishop of the Albanian Archdiocese of America in Constantinople) led a short prayer time. Afterwards, our sub-deacon went through a brief history of Saint Herman's church and revealed that at the moment we are without a priest. Bishop Ilia then gave some words of encouragement that struck home with me, not just because of our church's priestless situation, but because of circumstances with my own life. The same story had been brought to my mind lately, and I've been thinking about it.

He alluded to two stories. One is an Old Testament story about a widow and her son. It is a time of famine in the land. The widow only has a tiny bit of oil and a tiny bit of flour left. She meets the prophet Elijah who asks her for food. She says, "I only have enough for my son and myself. We will eat this and then die." But, at Elijah's encouragement, she gives the food to the prophet. Throughout the famine, God does a miraculous thing! Her bottle of oil and supply of flour miraculously never run out. She gave the last of what she had to God. God gave back in abundance to her.

The other story is when Elijah has fled from Jezebel into the desert. He is so depressed that he just wishes he could die. God sends and angel to feed him as well as get him to rest. Elijah is refreshed and is able to continue on in his ministry.

There are so many lessons here. But the one I am thinking about this morning is God's recognition of our humanity. God doesn't separate us out into body, mind and spirit. He sees us as whole persons. He knows that spirit and body are intimately and integrally connected. He knows when food becomes hope and rest becomes encouragement.

Stories involving food run throughout the Bible beginning with Adam and Eve and ending with the Tree of Life in the heavenly kingdom. Our Lord himself becomes our food, our sustenance in the Holy Eucharist. The icon of the Feast is spread out through the history of God and His people.

It majestic and mysterious. It is also common and everyday. So much so that we often forget the mystery of the union that food, especially shared food, gives us.

I grew up in a church that did not have a lot of guidelines for Communion. It was a special time of remembrance, but everyone was left to sort of figure out exactly what it meant for himself or herself. Thankfully, I had a mother who took Communion VERY seriously. She constantly reminded us of the need for self examination before hand. It was never just something we do. It was something holy.

As a young adult, I would sometimes help prepare the elements of communion in the church kitchen. Just an ordinary kitchen, small, with the occasional church mouse problem. But in that kitchen, once a month, someone would be there breaking matzo into bite-sized pieces and filling little cups with Welch's grape juice. It seems a mundane thing. But when I participated in preparing those two simple things, I started to seriously think about what Communion is, what our Lord meant by His mysterious words.

These thoughts helped prepare me for a transition into the Orthodox church. Now, I know that Christ is giving Himself to me in a way that is mysterious and miraculous. It unites the spiritual and the physical. No longer are somethings sacred and some mundane. Everything becomes sanctified. It becomes a uniting medium between heaven and earth as well as among the people sharing it.

The bread is still baked in someone's kitchen. Sometimes it is in mine. Poor and patched together as it is, I am allowed, like that widow in the Old Testament, to give what I have and have it declared holy through the sanctifying grace of our Lord.

A Day in an Abstract Random Household

2010-08-03T07:41:00.002-08:00

I am taking a break today from thinking about "kitchens I have known" and the "Worst Kitchen Contest". I need not to obsess too much over it. The voting goes on for the next month after all.

This past weekend, I was reminded once again what it is like when two people who are abstract random marry each other and have a wonderful abstract random child. Now, if you do not come from an education background (i.e. you are or once were a teacher or have deeply researched educational theory for your homeschooling efforts), terms like "abstract random" are just a bunch of useless jargon. For those of us who come from such a background, and for some reason were subjected to a lot of psychological profile testing, it actually sums up a lot of how you find yourself acting everyday.

What is an abstract random? It is a type of learner classified by those who would like to put us all in categories, so that we are all nice and well defined and know what to expect of each other in any given situation. Supposedly they are social types. That doesn't really describe us that well. I mean, I enjoy interacting with others, but it drains me. I am a classic introvert. I really like a balance...interaction with one or two friends interspersed with time alone. More importantly, this learning style describes someone who is imaginative, creative, who focuses more on the meaning of things. Ideas are important. In all this thinking and imagining going on, the abstract random thinker has a lot of trouble focusing on one thing. And that brings us to last Saturday...

The evening before, my husband suggested that I have some time to myself the next day. He and Miriam would do something together. I could choose to stay at home, and they would go out, or I could go out, and they would stay at home. That was a tough one. I hadn't been feeling well and could easily envision a nap, some sewing and some reading. Maybe even cleaning without any demands. I had planned on doing some pickling since some things have to be dealt with, when you have a garden, in a timely manner. I decided to see how I felt the next morning.

Like most of this summer, the next morning dawned grey and rainy. It would probably be better for me to go out since it would be easier to entertain Miriam at home. Immediately, my mind went to about a dozen possibilities as to which town to go to and where to do mostly window shopping. Of course, Saturday is sleeping in day for half the family, so I waited until Bob was up and going before hopping in the truck. I had looked up yarn shops, found one in Wasilla that had recently moved to a new location, did not print out directions because, of course, I imagined that having a general idea that it was south of Lake Lucille was enough. WRONG! I drove around for awhile before finally giving up. I had totally lost track of time. I saw the new gelato shop's doors were open. I had a coupon, so I thought here is my chance to get some gelato without having to pay for 2-3 gelatos. I walked in and was quickly told that they were not really open because it was not 11 a.m. yet. Sigh...I just headed to JoAnn Fabrics for awhile, got myself a fast food lunch (it was a real cheating day), and headed home.

Now comes the true randomness....What to do when you are really tired and need a nap, but the husband reminds you that the house is still a mess and there is lots to do in the yard. Well, take a really short nap, do a little clean-up, plan out a nice dinner, wander outside to the garden...oh look...lots of zucchini...better do some pickling. I picked the zucchini, brought them in, and realized that the dinner I had planned was not that simple. Pork loin and side dishes. Pork loin doesn't roast that quickly. I stopped with the pickling plans and did the pork loin.

By this time, my husband, who was mowing the lawn, calls me on his cell phone. "Are you coming back out?" I explain that I was putting dinner in the oven. "I need help taking the tent down and putting it away. Now, he is only half way through mowing, but the tent is on his mind, so that is the main priority of the second. I go back out. He isn't ready yet. I wander around the garden again. Finally, I start to take the tent down by myself because I really want to get ready to pickle. He finally stops and comes over to take the rest down with me. I start to go in, but he needs me to move all the toys out of the way. O.K....did that. Asked if there was anything else...nope.

When I go back in, I realize that pickling will have to wait until after dinner. After dinner, I start to clean and slice 9 zucchini. It is now Miriam's bedtime...oh well...it will have to wait. Now comes another abstract random moment. I realize that I never read the entire recipe, just skimmed it. I go back and look. The zucchini has to soak in salt water for two hours. O.K. That will make it 9:00 p.m. before I put the pickling stuff in...no problem. I also realize I have too many zucchini. What to do? Make zucchini bread. I get that in the oven as well. When the food stuff is settled, I get Miriam through her bedtime routine.

When I come back down, I realize I still haven't read the pickling recipe entirely. After I make the pickling liquid, bring it to and boil and pour it over the zucchini, I have to wait two hours. I now have dirty dishes all over the place. Dinner plates haven't even been scraped into the garbage. At this point, I am looking at putting the pickles into the jars at midnight. I suddenly feel totally exhausted. I get the pickles pickling, do at least some rudimentary dishes, and collapse on the sofa to watch The Number 1 Ladies Detective Agency.

I probably got to bed around 12:30 or 1 a.m. But at this point, my middle aged body decided to rebel. So the last time I looked at the clock was 4:30 a.m.

The whole problem with this is my inability to focus on one major project at a time. It is important to learn to say, "O.K., I am having Mommy time this morning. That leaves time for basic housework,childcare, and meal prep in the evening. Nothing else!" Or "Today is canning or preserving garden produce day. We will have sandwiches on paper plates. The house can wait."

But, in order to do that, I must learn to discipline my natural tendency to think randomly as well as learn to communicate clearly to the rest of my family what my goal is for the day and how much I can realistically do. That sounds a whole lot easier than it is.

Beauty from Ashes

2010-08-02T18:08:00.006-08:00

There is a lot of discussion today about the loss of the American Dream. We talk about what each American is entitled to - a house, healthcare, a job....But the reality is that, as precious as the idea of material security is, there is no where in the entire world where it is a guarantee. There are times when we see that dream more as a mirage. We seem to almost have it, then it is gone.

This kitchen story is about dreams and finding out what is really important in life when the "American Dream" turns out to be a mirage. It is about finding beauty in the ashes and turning mourning into dancing. It is about my mother's kitchen.

I can't remember any of the "dream house" that Mom reminisces about quite often. I lived in it from the ages of 2-5, but it is literally like trying to remember something fleeting in the shadows. What I do know is that it was a new home specifically built to house our large family. It was in a very solid middle class to upper middle class neighborhood. But circumstances were not to be friendly. My parents could no longer afford to keep the house. We had to move back to Baltimore, to the street that, although formerly that wonderful farm, was now a semi-urban, lower middle class neighborhood.

There were only three of us kids left. The other five were either married or away at college. Even so, the house that we moved into was tiny. My mother often told me that in her grief at this transition, her own mother said to her, "Think of it as a doll's house. You can make it cozy just like a doll's house." I know that grief followed her for many years.

The first kitchen in this house was the same size as the dining room and the living room. The house used to be the barn on the farm and had been "transformed" into a rental in the 1940's. So, the first floor was very evenly divided. The kitchen had a few wall cabinets. It was dark, with only a simple ceiling light. The lot was the largest on the street, but backed up to another former farm that had been turned into a junk yard. This caused the kitchen to have "visitors" that were not exactly welcome. She owned no dishwasher until my older sister married and bought one for her to wash my sister's babies' bottles in. (At that point, Mom was watching them while my sister and her husband worked.)

In spite of all this, my mother made that home as warm and inviting as any other she had. Every Sunday and Wednesday (prayer meeting night), she would cook for sometimes as many as 20 people. My married brothers and sisters would bring their children. The dinner table was a place for discussion and debate, sometimes volatile debate, but also laughter and love. My mother was the source of that love. She was the adhesive that bound us all together through good times and bad times. In that simple kitchen, she could prepare a multi-course feast fit for kings from the simplest of ingredients.

In spite of our circumstances, Mom held onto the beautiful things that she had collected over the years. Holidays had our large table decked out in anniversary china and sterling silver. There was always a beautiful centerpiece, which was removed as soon as the wonderful food came in.

I remember laughing and crying at the little kitchen table. I would have my night time snack with just a little lamp burning - Ritz crackers and cheese, hot chocolate, bread and syrup. Many was the time I poured out my childhood and teenage woes to my mother in that kitchen.

After the death of my father and grandfather, my mother was able to have that kitchen renovated into a beautiful, if modest modern kitchen. It was a wonderful gift for her to be able to work more efficiently to produce those dinners. She is 83 years old now. She still has Sunday dinner, not so elaborate and other people contribute, but that kitchen is still the center of a warm and loving home that was built on the ashes of a different dream.

There were times as a child and a young adult that I felt the stigma of living in our little house in that particular neighborhood, but now that I am older, and, I hope, wiser, I realize that true poverty is living in a place without love, faith, and joy.

That would truly be a barren kitchen...and a barren life.

Blue Plate Special

2010-08-01T09:19:00.005-08:00

Often today, we can get caught up a bit in "kitchen hype". Don't get me wrong...I really want a better kitchen. I am currently really hyped about the idea of possibly winning the Worst Kitchen Contest. I even just like to walk though the kitchen department at Home Depot or Lowes and just dream. However, when I reflect on what makes us see the kitchen as the center of home life, I see that so much of what forms my feelings about a kitchen are formed from memories of childhood - laughter, tears, good food, pretty dishes, and delicious, mouth-watering smells.

For most of my childhood, my family lived across the street from my maternal grandparents. Actually, half the families on the street were related one way or another. That happens when a small suburban (almost urban now) street just outside of Baltimore city was once a family farm during the 1920's and 1930's.

My mother tells wonderful stories of growing up in one of the houses on that farm. So much of them center around kitchens and meals. The main farmhouse was next door to my mother's parents house. It still had a wood stove which cooked delicious breakfasts. They had a "summer kitchen" to do the canning, a kitchen in an outbuilding that kept that heat from preserving from combining with the stifling Maryland heat to overwhelm the household.

My great-grandfather lived with my grandparents in a house next to the farmhouse. He and my grandfather built it. Those who lived in it ran various businesses of their own. The men had a wrecking business until my grandfather was hired by a large company, at least large for that time.

My great-grandmother ran several small businesses including a bakery and a millinery. Not all at once, mind you, but she was definitely an entrepreneur for a woman in the 1920's and 30's. My grandmother was a small, quiet woman who was a homemaker in the classic tense. She, along with her mother, ran a tourist home during the Great Depression. Despite her shy nature, her home was so full of warmth and old-fashioned gentility, there was almost a sense of awe. Most of the living took place in the dining room and the kitchen.

That kitchen was very tiny. It probably was 10' x 10' at the most. Even as a child, I could sense its compactness. There were no fancy cabinets or flooring. There was one window. There was room for a sink, an old fashioned refrigerator, a free standing range, and a couple of free standing cabinets. She may have had a couple wall cabinets, but I don't remember them very well. Somehow, she managed to feed a family and her customers in the tourist home from that tiny space.

What I do remember is slipping over there after school for a snack. At that point, my family was struggling to make ends meet. The grocery budget did not include things like Coca-cola, Tasty Kakes, or lots of sweets. My grandmother, who we called Mom, was a very meticulous household bookkeeper, but managed to keep certain things on hand. So, my favorite afternoon snack was a small cup of Coca-cola with ice and a piece of pound cake from the local grocery - pound cake with real butter spread on it. Absolute heaven!

I can see my grandmother in that tiny kitchen cooking and doing the dishes. It fit her in a way. A tiny kitchen for a tiny woman. My sister would often go over there to eat dinner as well. My mother still will wax eloquent about dinners of her childhood. Simple dinners like tuna salad on a plate spread with lettuce, a mound of tuna in the middle, and surrounded by tomatoes or hamburgers cooked in tomato sauce, which are still a family favorite. She tells of her other grandmother, a Seventh Day Adventist (no meat), who would have the hamburger roll with the sauce from the meat on it, but not the meat. Or the time an uncle said he did not like the fish being served, was given something else, and then tried to take the fish anyway. What a fuss then ensued! He did not get his fish.

My grandmother did not use fancy china. She used her pretty everyday blue plastic plates. It was the presentation of the food, the love, and the ever present joy that made every meal a feast fit for kings. My aunt's husband used to say that is why he married my aunt, for my grandmother's blue plate specials.

My goal is to have a kitchen like that. A kitchen that begins in the heart of the homemaker with love and joy.

A Finalist!

2010-07-30T21:42:00.003-08:00

Along with 22 other contestants, I am a finalist in the Worst Kitchen Contest being held by Alaska Build and a host of other sponsors. I am so excited! This is so much fun! I now have to campaign to get lots and lots of votes in order to win the grand prize - a $25,000 kitchen renovation.

In reflecting on all this, I started thinking about "kitchens I have known". I am going to try to write about one a week for the month of August. Here are the ones I have come up with so far.

My grandmother's kitchen
My mother's kitchen
The church kitchens at Lansdowne Alliance Church and at Holy Cross Orthodox Church
My honeymoon kitchen
My present kitchen

If I win, I will write about the new kitchen as well. In the meantime, visit my blog and read about all these kitchens and other Alaskan home life tidbits and go over to Alaskabuild and vote for me on Monday! Thanks so much!

Remember, that no matter what your kitchen is like, it is the love and the family bonds that are demonstrated there that can turn the "worst kitchen" into the "best kitchen".

Theology of a Child

2010-07-29T13:21:00.003-08:00

Having a child certainly makes one face many issues that otherwise would be easily pushed aside. Issues that begin with that ever present, sometimes almost taunting word, "WHY?"

"Why does that daisy have a yellow center?"

"Why does that spider keep spinning a web?"

"Why do we go to church every Sunday?

"Why did God do it that way?

Sometimes, I just feel like I can't answer one more "WHY?!?!?"

Yesterday, I discovered that our four chickens of which we have all become very fond became some predator's dinner. We never heard any squawking, so it must have been at night. There are feathers everywhere, but nothing else. There are also feathers going into the woods near the chicken yard. That indicates a fox in all probability.

When we told Miriam this morning, she seemed to take it rather well. Some questions. Some nervous energy, but no uncontrolled crying or anything of that sort. She and I dropped off Bob at work and went shopping at Target.

When we came home, she mentioned the chickens, and I asked if she wanted to go over and look at the coop. She did not. Then, came the questions.

"Why didn't the dog or fox KNOW that they were our pets?"

"Do they have very small brains?"

"Why didn't God make just people and chickens and dogs?" (Obviously forgetting that dogs go after chickens also.)

"I wish God didn't make the animals that stay awake at night!"

We have talked briefly before that God did make everything perfect and good in the beginning. That Adam's and Eve's disobedience affected, not just themselves, but everything that they had been put in charge of. I tried very simply to explain this again.

Miriam at this point was struggling with anger and tears. The emotion was written all over her face even as she said, "Yes, in the beginning, everything was herbivores." But then, it all came out...

"I wish it was the same as it was in the beginning!" Then, she burst into tears and reached her arms up to me to be held. I held her while she cried and said that it made God sad too. He wants it to go back to the way it was in the beginning, but we have to ask Him to help us to be holy.

It takes a young, innocent child to really feel the pain of what sin has inflicted on this world. To be torn up by it and wish that it had never happened. We lose that at some point. We become cynical, go into survival mode, and suppress the feeling of sorrow for what we have lost. For some of us, it becomes such apathy that we have forgotten that anything was lost at all.

It made me think of this verse. "For we know that the whole creation groans and travails in pain together until now. And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body." Romans 8:23-24

Salmon, Chicken, and Gardens

2010-07-27T10:51:00.002-08:00

Despite a grey and rainy summer, preserving season is suddenly upon us. Some kind neighbors shared their catch of salmon with us, so this weekend was spent smoking and canning half of it. The other half is in the freezer as fillets. Yummy!

I have multiple vacuum packed bags of broccoli, broccoflower, spinach, and beet greens, but still have much more to go. This afternoon, I intend to blanch and freeze the collard greens as well as have some for dinner. I found this old farming journal from the 1930's at the library. It is a collection of columns that a farm wife wrote for the local newspaper. It is delightful and gave me the "duh" revelation that when you are preserving, you should serve the same thing for supper. So, tonight will be collard greens with bacon and salmon spread on homemade french bread. The bread is currently rising.

Usually, I don't preserve anything that isn't given to us or grown by us. However, Bob bought a huge amount of apricots at Costco. They are sitting there. No one is eating them. So last night, I pulled out my tome of preserving, Stocking Up (published 1977), and find that yes I can make apricot butter, so that is on the agenda within the next couple of days as well.

I have about 6-8 zucchini still growing on the vines that should mature by the weekend. I think I will try to make some zucchini bread and butter pickles this year. If I can make Saturday a pickling day, I can perhaps also fit in the cauliflower before the slugs get it all.

I took time to wander out to the chickens who are growing bigger each day. If they don't start laying soon, we shall have to have some daily lectures on their responsibility to earn their keep. They are quite well fed and the coop was scooped of poop this morning.

I still have so much I need to do in the next two days. Multiple phone calls to make, Sunday School stuff to order and plans to make, homeschool stuff to order, the home bookkeeping, etc. The truck is having some problems, so I need to make an appointment for the mechanic on Friday, which is my Palmer day (library, Friday Fling, and a roll down the little hill in the library park for the child).

Busy, busy, busy...and hopefully, by the end of the week, I will find out if I am a finalist in Alaska Build's Worst Kitchen Contest. So, I think I will just pop on over to the site and see how many more people have entered. It would be so wonderful to be doing all this in a new kitchen next summer. Not getting my hopes up, just dreaming....

Sudden Provision

2010-07-22T13:48:00.002-08:00

Isn't it interesting that sometimes God waits until you, for the most part, accept an uncomfortable circumstance and then suddenly blesses you with a change? For me, this often happens in small ways. It is so easy for me to feel "put upon" when I have to wait for something that I want or even think I need.

Since moving to Alaska three years ago, we have had to slowly furnish our house a little at a time. Bob had minimal furniture when he was a bachelor. He did have two sofas, but neither was great. One was one of those reclining sofas and was broken. The other was an old, probably something like fourth hand sofa, that smelled of tobacco, had rough upholstery, and was losing its spring. When we sat on it, we could literally feel the bones of the sofa. Both of us have bad backs, so if we sat for more than an hour, we would be in pain.

We window shopped when we could. We dreamed. We tested sofas at whatever store we happened to be in. We shopped Craigslist. But when it came right down to it, we could not afford any new furniture. I even pondered how I could disassemble the one we still had (the bony one) and restuff and upholster it. Same problem - experimental furniture surgery was not in the budget.

I just blocked out how I felt about this, put a foam mat on the seat of the sofa and slipcovered it. It was still bony, but we had something to sit on. My therapy was imagining being a Bedouin and only having big pillows. Sometimes this fantasy seemed more comfortable than the reality.

Then, Bob called from work one day. He said that a co-worker was moving out of state and had some furniture that she wanted to get rid of soon. Would I like to go over after work and check it out? Sure...why not. He told me that it was a sofa and a couple of chairs. When we got there, it turned out to be a very comfy sofa, a love seat, a recliner, and two bookcases. I asked the lady how much she wanted for the whole deal. $150. That's right - one hundred fifty dollars. The furniture is a bit worn and a more modern style than I like, but we are reveling in the soft, cushy feel of actual stuffing under our middle aged bodies. Bob LOVES the recliner, and I love seeing him come home from work and lounge around in it. The living room actually looks like a living room and not a bunch of hodge podge stuff thrown together.

Isn't God wonderful? He had to get me to the place of just accepting the uncomfortable first... of putting aside the emotional element of it all, the feeling of entitlement to something better. Then, He graciously just one day dropped more than was asked for in our laps. No hunting through yard sales and overpriced Craigslist stuff. Just a "here it is".

Too Much of a Good Thing

2010-07-06T20:02:00.005-08:00

When we have all sunny days, I often lament the lack of rain as I drag the hose around all the garden beds watering our needy plants. This June, however, has not had that problem. It almost seems like I could count on one hand the number of sunny days we have had. After another rainy weekend, I did the garden tour today. There is soooooo much to do.

The weeds are taking over - again. Every single bed needs weeding.
The beets need thinning.
The spinach, mesclun mix, and thinned beet greens need to be eaten or preserved.
I have nine heads of broccoflower to deal with. To pickle or not to pickle?
Bird netting needs to be put over the strawberry patch before they start turning red.
We (and I include Bob in this) need to either clip the chickens' wings or find some way to roof off the chicken run.
While the bees are busy pollinating the raspberry patch, they are not quite making it enough into the greenhouse area. So I need to go in there with a child's paintbrush and pollinate the cucumbers, tomatoes, and - soon - the winter squash.
I need to harvest the chamomile, set up a drying system, and dry the blossoms before vacuum packing them for the winter. I need to do the same with the spearmint, dill, thyme and sage, but I can hang them from the beam in the living room.
I need to make some rhubarb-cinnamon jam, which is this year's rhubarb jam experiment, as well as freeze some rhubarb so that the next round can grow.

In addition to all this, I need to give my lil' pumpkin here some attention, keep the house, get the hubby to move his office stuff to his office in the basement, paint Miriam's room (walls and floor) and her furniture, get a business license, and research what is available in small scale agricultural grants. (A neighbor just got a grant for two greenhouses! All he has to do is measure rain fall and do a few growing experiments.)

Every year, I hope to get up into the mountains before all the blueberries are gone. Haven't been able to do it yet.

So, now it is all put down on a blog, and I can stop thinking about ALL of it and do one thing at a time.

Wednesday's Wins and Woes

2010-06-23T17:45:00.002-08:00

WINS

I finally decided to give up on Target and Walmart for shoes for Miriam. I went to Famous Footware here in Wasilla. They had certain styles on sale, so I was able to get Miriam a pair of Buster Brown white t-strap casuals in a 9 1/2! I stress the 1/2. It is virtually impossible to find 1/2 sizes for children in the big box stores, and Miriam's foot has a very high arch. Some of the neighbors may have noticed her hillbilly habit of going barefoot because her shoes really do hurt after awhile.
After a surprise email and call around 6 p.m. last night saying the boss was following him home, I did a whirlwind cleaning of the main area of the house and finished in time to go into town, get milk, and be back by 8:30. He came home with the boss a little earlier.
Had a great dinner tonight, despite having frozen fish fillets. Surprisingly good corn from Walmart (where you never know if you are going to get some that is the equivalent of animal feed). Best part - fresh spinach and mesclun mix from the garden with ranch dressing made with fresh picked dill.
I am almost finished with a grant application for church.

WOES

Dealing with Aetna, medical bills, and prescription problems. I couldn't figure out what had happened to our home delivery prescriptions for Bob. We had no notice of a package. No key in our locked mailbox for the small package cubicle. I blamed Aetna, of course. They are driving me absolutely nuts with medical claims still under review for their lack of a network in Alaska. Turns out, the prescriptions were shipped two weeks ago. I suspect the problem lies with our rural delivery guy not delivering package slips. I tried calling the parcel pick-up annex. Very nice phone tree with no option to speak to an actual person at the annex. So, one of us has to go there tomorrow and hope the meds are still there. I am by far the more aggressive at the moment, so perhaps it should be me.
The boss stayed until 10:30 last night. He is a talker. Probably nervous and a bit lonely being the newbie, but we are all three exhausted after soccer and a late pick up at work Monday and then last night. Miriam and I were both basket cases while shopping.
Our office, soon to be Miriam's bedroom, looks like someone just dumped all the extra stuff into while cleaning up the main area yesterday. Hmmm....

So, the wins outweigh the woes! Yay! Now, off to see the chickens with my girl! Another win - the chicks have grown into beautiful chickens that look like something out of a picture book. I think I am in love with the Brahmas. I may not have a goose that lays a golden egg, but I have two golden chickens with feathers on their feet.

Another Contest

2010-06-19T20:35:00.002-08:00

Facebook is a wonderful place to get in on these random drawings and give-aways. I noticed that a friend had "liked" a couple of sites that looked intriguing. When I want to the page for Keeper of the Home, I noticed that they have this fantastic give away for a nine tray dehydrator! Oh, I would love to have a dehydrator! Our garden is always bursting throughout the summer, which is of course a tremendous blessing, but involves a lot of work with canning and freezing.

My niece dehydrates to preserve because it does not break down the nutrients as much as canning. I still have a lot to learn about it, but my husband and I both have wanted to start drying more, especially fruit.

So, not only have I entered, but I have discovered a couple of really cool sites. Check out http://www.keeperofthehome.org/. What a great resource!

Alaska's Worst Kitchen

2010-06-15T18:13:00.004-08:00

Well, I've gone and done it. I have entered the Worst Kitchen Contest over at AlaskaBuilds.com. I have pushed away any inkling of pride that tried to rear its ugly head. I also had to ignore a little bit of guilt, since the reason I know about the contest is because a friend said she is entering it.

However, there comes a time in life when a person has to go for broke with things like this. The thing is that we have a very Alaskan kitchen. It is far better than homesteaders 100 years ago would have had. It is at the height of wealth for much of the developing world. That doesn't negate the fact that I would really like a modern, put together cozy kitchen with new cabinets.

Our kitchen was never completely finished because, as many of you know, when Bob was a bachelor building a house mostly on his own, he became very ill and was hospitalized. His recovery was quite long. There have been other medical issues that are ongoing, so between the high cost of medical care (often paid for out of pocket) and health issues in general, the house has become an ongoing project. (It is also a sacrifice that we agreed to make in order for Miriam to be with a parent as opposed to a "caretaker". That is not saying that there is a right or wrong way, it was just the right thing for us at this time.)

It is amazing over the last 3 years of our living in the house as a family, how much God has provided for us. When we moved back here from Maryland, there were no cabinets, just shelves. We were given a free-standing pantry by a friend who was moving. We were able to pick up shelves and cabinets here and there at yard sales or through Craigslist. Bob made counter tops and shelves out of wood. He put together a passable hutch with a dresser and a hutch top found at yard sales. We were able to get a linoleum remnant on sale. He put that down as well. We have worked to make it as attractive as we could.

But, I am ready for a change. I need to see a little more progress. So, I am entering this contest to try to win $25000 to redo the kitchen. I already know which entries are the greatest competition. It is humbling. I probably really don't have the worst kitchen, but I am going to go for it anyway. At least, it will be a bit of fun this summer to see what happens. Voting begins in July. I will then have to start "campaigning" via Facebook.

To Catch a Cloud

2010-06-04T08:36:00.002-08:00

Rainy days are thinking days ...and listening days. So often, I don't really take the time to listen to Miriam's ramblings. They do tend to go on incessantly. ;-)

But today, it is raining, we are home, and taking a slow morning. We did a puzzle of the United States together. It is a wooden puzzle, but she had a difficult time with it. As I helped her, we talked a little about each state that we put in. Alaska is her favorite of course and one that she can easily do by herself.

She talked about the different places she wanted to visit - Texas (cowboys), California (beloved cousin), Florida (Disney World), and New Mexico. As soon as she heard the word Mexico, she started salivating after quesadillas, probably her all time favorite food.

When the puzzle was done, she looked up at our Talkeetna Mountains shrouded in mist. "I really want to climb up into the mountains, catch a cloud, and bring it home to you. I would bring it into the house and it could rain in the kitchen to clean the floor so you wouldn't have to wipe it with a rag anymore...When I wanted a drink, I would go get a cup, hold it under the cloud, fill it up and drink it."

Now there is a good use for a rainy day!

How Should She Then Learn

2010-06-02T07:57:00.003-08:00

"Though the academic authorities are actually proud of conducting everything by means of Examinations, they seldom indulge in what religious people used to descibe as Self-Examination. The consequence is that the modern State has educated its citizens in a series of ephemeral fads." G. K. Chesterton

My mental to-do list is massive lately. Planting time means that we spend wonderful hours digging in the glorious sun, but lots of other things are pushed down the list. Today, I need to balance things out a bit.

As I thought about some home reorganization, I was reminded that part of that organization has to do with Miriam's education. That is always a dangerous train of thought to board because, as a former teacher, I start thinking about ALL the possibilities.

How then shall she learn? Montessori, Waldorf, Classical Education, un-schooling, traditional American-Prussian model, child directed, teacher directed.... Then, I read Chesterton's wonderful summation of the entire realm of education. Fads, fads, and more fads. Everyone has their clique in the educational world. There is no RIGHT way, except to learn with the child, about the child, and for the child. This does not mean not having a structure. Without some kind of boundaries, all things disperse to nothingness. It does mean taking each day and each lesson and tailoring it not according to a theory, but according to a person.

From the Mouths of Babes

2010-05-31T10:17:00.002-08:00

It has been "hot" by Alaska standards for a week now. Last night, we even had the window open in our loft bedroom because it has been unusually stuffy up there.

This morning, while we were trying to help Daddy wake up, I happened to mention that he seemed a little sweaty. Miriam piped up and announced, "Daddy smells like bubble gum!" Of course, Bob was delighted at this announcement.

Then, she came over to him, smelled his arm, and said, "Rotten bubblegum!"

Bob said, "Don't I smell like strawberry bubblegum?" (Never ask a four-year-old a question you might not want the answer to.)

Miriam replied, "Decayed!"

-------------------------------------------------

Yesterday, we went to the Little Su river about a mile from our house. We had intended to fish, but Mommy forgot her fishing license. Thankfully, Bob had brought some plastic bags for scientific collecting. Miriam picked up a few interesting rocks and a plant. Then, she decided to collect some river water. She carefully put the edge of the bag in the water and collected some. I helped her zip it up. She then delightedly held it over her head and shouted, "I've got SCIENCE!" That was one of those delightful parenting moments.

The Moment

2010-05-28T20:46:00.005-08:00

Every dandelion a piece of gold

Giggles of delight as she blows fairy seeds through the air.

Another friend found in the ant, the bee, the bird

While basking in the brilliant northern sun.

A dirty, burnt piece of wood

Dug from the garden becomes imagined treasure.

Covered in mud, laying so still in the dirt,

observing one puddle overflowing to form another.

Every moment a new discovery

A surge of joy and wonder

Innocence predominates

A shadow of unspoiled Eve breathing awe

A vicarious joy leaps

in my own heart

wishing I could stop and be present

for a dandelion

a mud puddle

a robin

the present breath

“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, ‘Do it again’; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, ‘do it again’ to the sun; and every evening, ‘Do it again’ to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.” G. K. Chesterton

Exploring Possibilities

2010-05-25T22:29:00.002-08:00

Since Miriam was born, Bob and I have discussed various scenarios involving a home business. Both of us agree that it is important for a parent to be at home with a young child, and, since we plan on homeschooling, this commitment would be an ongoing one. I don't write this in any sense of "this is the only right way" or with a sense of superiority over other ways of life. It is just what we believe is best for our family.

When Miriam was first born, running a small scale tutoring business was very easy for me. We lived in Annapolis where I already had a network within Annapolis Area Christian School. I could take Miriam with me after school was over, drop her off with Bob or with very willing 13 year old babysitters, and tutor or teach study skill workshops. We had always thought that I could do something similar in Alaska. It took me awhile to adjust just to moving to Alaska (at times in that first year, it seemed like another planet), helping Bob find employment, settling as best we could into our ongoing house finishing project, being far from family and friends, etc. on top of taking care of a one year old child.

Now, although the house and "homestead" are still an on-going project, we know that I do need to work to become that entrepreuneur. ;-) So, this summer is a summer of exploration for me. I need to think about the possibilities, plan out steps to implement whatever I decide to do, and aim for having something going this autumn or winter.

We have discussed many possibilities. I would far rather work for someone else. Tell me what to do, and I will do it as long as I can telecommute. Unfortunately, opportunities such as these are quite limited where we live. I thought about tutoring, but would need to calculate child care into business cost as well as find someone to babysit. We live quite a ways outside of town, so coming to my home would probably not be convenient for most students.

I thought about writing children's books. I already have a draft for one and topics for about 10 picture books. Better done as a hobby, I think.

Another option was a shop on ETSY. I can sew, quilt, garden, and can. Sewing would probably be the most practical. I also got some suggestions from my sisters - party in a box (themed children's party ideas, decorations, prizes)...gift baskets...? I started working up the numbers. These ideas, although fun and creative, are not as lucrative as I need. I could do something like this in addition to something else as a hobby or for pocket money, but not to advance our family financial plans of paying off all debt, having a buffer, and planning for retirement.

I was in Barnes and Noble this past weekend in the small business section. They had lots of DIY various business plans. I was looking for the sewing/ETSY type business when I saw a book on grant writing. Hmmm... One of my many eccentricities is that I actually like research and writing. I enjoy planning projects out on paper. I would basically need a computer, a printer, and a brain. I would need to do some shameless self-promotion, but would be able to handle that, I think. So, this summer, I have already started web surfing, looking for tutorials and workshops, planning out my time to pursue this and see if it is practical.

So, those of you who pray, please pray for me - and all of us - while I pursue this idea. Pray that I will have wisdom and insight into what is the right direction to go.

Another adventure...life and Alaska are full of them!

Gardens and Other Growing Things

2010-05-17T21:17:00.007-08:00

It has been almost a month since I updated what is going on with us at Goldberry Cottage! It is all Facebook's fault. It is way too addicting to say snippets of nothing that take a few seconds to post. So here is a more in depth look at what has been happening here.

Unloading goat manure for the garden

Gardening prep is in full swing. A kind neighbor gave us an old party tent frame that Bob has used to make possibly two greenhouses. We used greenhouse rows last summer and had tremendous success, so this is a real boon for us. We probably will only use one this year for our sub-arctic heirloom tomatoes, lemon cucumbers, winter squash, and one lonely spaghetti squash plant I picked up today to try.

Our pumpkins will have their own little greenhouse tunnel that has proven so successful in the past.

Our open rows will have the usual carrots, beets, potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, peas, lettuce, cabbage, herbs, turnips, spinach, strawberries, currants and zucchini. Whew! I feel both tired and hungry looking at that list.

In addition to our ever expanding garden (I am just about ready to yell "STOP!"), we are adding chickens to our little homestead here. They are currently residing with our wonderful neighbors, but I tackled an initial cleaning of our second hand chicken coop today. It was pretty awful. Tomorrow, I will try to scrape some of what I couldn't get off today. After it is bleached and dried, I will pick up some bedding, a new feeder and waterer. Then, the chicks can come home. We originally bought five - 2 leghorns, 2 Brahmas, and 1 Araucanian. The latter was really for me because they lay light blue or light green eggs and are sometimes called the Easter Egg chicken. Unfortunately, that is the one that did not make it.

Miriam is very excited about her chickens and has named two. They are now at the skittish stage, so she hasn't been able to hold or pet one for awhile.

I am really enjoying the four-year-old stage with her. Oh, we have our moments (and even days), but she is so affectionate and sweet most of the time. Her imagination seems to know no bounds, so, when forced to, she is quite good at entertaining herself while we work. She loves to hear stories from our childhoods. The next thing we are looking forward to is the beginning of soccer season. She really needs the connection with other kids as well as situations with very formal boundaries. She just hungers for the companionship of other children. So, we are trying out various activities to find a good fit.

We had her in gymnastics for awhile, and she enjoyed it. We had to stop to travel to California and Maryland for the holidays and just could not budget it in when we came back. We will see how this goes and ponder what type of sport will be best for her. I think she and I would also like to try her out in a dance class, but we have a couple of reservations about required performances and how that effects the joy of just learning the dance. We also really only want classic ballet, none of this modern stuff.

Bob is still teaching away at Charter College in Wasilla. He is also working diligently in the garden which is a true passion for him. He really does most of the heavy work in the beginning.

Besides being a wannabe domestic diva, I spent the last couple of months working on a couple of church projects and editing three children's novels for my brother. These stories were so good, that I got lost in reading them in bed and had to go back and edit later. I got them back to him just in time to head off to a writer's conference. (http://mcgunnegalchronicles.webs.com/ ...this is the website for the books, but they are not yet published)

I am still currently working on my other job of co-property manager. When our above the garage apartment is up for rent, I do the advertising, phone work and paperwork. Bob, usually, does the showing. It is always an adventure! We are still learning how to discern character with a single meeting and an application.

For the rest of the summer, I go back to getting my muscles used to the garden routine again, enjoying the summer sunshine, and planning ahead for the autumn.

Signs of Spring

2010-04-23T15:31:00.005-08:00

Low Bush Cranberries

transplanted last summer

tulip rising

irises are always the first up

Weird and Wonderful Rhubarb

The slow thaw of the garden

The blueberry experiment may have survived. It looks alive.

Instilling Generosity in Children

2010-04-06T15:52:00.002-08:00

One of the things that I tend to worry about with raising an only child is instilling a sense of generosity and unselfishness. Children are naturally selfish. We all know this. At least when there is more than one child in the family, the parent has the opportunity to catch those teachable moments, the ones that are reminiscent of Lord of the Flies that can be changed to learning about sacrifice.

It is a difficult concept to teach because it involves an attitude of the heart. A lesson well drilled into a child's head only can be used to manipulate others instead of changing the heart to on that is sensitive to the needs of the other. My mother often tells the story of my older sister in just such a scenario. We had a large family of eight children, and this was way before my time. There must have been some quarreling going on over toys, because as my mother recalls, my three-year old sister stood with every muscle tense, fists and teeth clenched as she said, "Jesus says to SHARE!"

I think that the key is not waiting until a tense moment to seize upon the opportunity to talk about generosity and problems such as poverty. We are by no means rich, but having an only child with a large extended family has made it easy to accumulate lots of things for Miriam. Whenever she wants to buy something, we discuss the amount of what she already has. There are times that she is allowed to earn something, if it is in the budget. Often, we just set aside some little trinket as a prize for earning a certain number of stars on her chart. As often as is possible, we talk in a non-confrontational and informal way about those who do not have what we have.

Miriam is only four, but has been shown pictures of children in Africa as well as other places where poverty has totally different definition than in the United States. She also listens to EVERY conversation adults have on and off talk radio and asks questions about what things mean. She of course still often interprets things in her own four year old way. To her, every solution is very simple.

Today, she woke up from nap and came down carrying a piece of golden thread that she found on the floor. She said, "I am going to use this thread to sew a stuffed lion to give to a child who doesn't have any toys." She then went on to describe how she would also build them a bed, but they would have to get a ticket to come pick it up with an airplane. We talked about more practical solutions like giving away the clothes that she has outgrown. One idea that she had was to give one of her pretty dresses to another girl who did not have any, then buy the family a car, so that they could make it to church. She showed me her bank that divides money by types of coins. She pointed to one column of coins and said, "This money is for me to give away to those children." Then, she pointed to another, "This is my state fair money." (We are encouraging her to save her own money for the State Fair since we always have a limited number of things that we can afford to do there.) Her money is change that she finds around the house or earns doing chores or, sometimes, just the change from a purchase that one of us makes.

It really moved my heart to see her compassion and her planning in all this. I had to give a quick reality check to help her to see that we can do what we can, not what we can't. Some parts of the plan would have to wait for awhile. "Well," she said, "Maybe when I am a little bigger, like five."

Keeping Pascha with Children

2010-03-18T15:36:00.004-08:00

Isn't it odd that now when you go down the Easter aisle in the store, you don't just see all those symbols of Spring, but now you are overloaded with every cartoon character, pop culture icons, etc. that will easily attract the American child's eye? This has really bothered me. At least in the past, the secular side of Easter was at least about spring - bunnies, chicks, and flowers. A Christian parent could make a connection to the Resurrection with those things. After all, Christ came to give us new life through His resurrection.

Now, I look through the aisles of the big box stores and hear, "Mommy, look! An Easter Batman set! There's Easter Barbie!" And, of course, Easter Barbie is barely clothed which makes it all the more repulsive at this time of year.

I loved getting Easter baskets as a child and have no intention of stopping that tradition. In fact, I think that our job as Christians is to transform culture. The problem is that the culture so often succeeds at transforming us in the name of fun and pleasure.

I am so glad to now belong to a Church whose tradition is to keep Pascha, not Easter. I don't want to quibble about names, but when celebrating the Resurrection of our Savior, I want my child to have a clear picture of what it is all about. In the Orthodox church, Pascha baskets include many symbols, many of which mirror those in the Passover Seder as well as the elements of a feast which breaks a long fast. We include those symbolic items in our family basket, but I also want to make sure that Miriam's basket teaches as well as entertains.

So, I decided to think about how many themes could be used for a basket that stayed within the message of Pascha. This year, her basket will have a Good Shepherd theme. I decided on this because she and I are also going to start working through a modified Catechist of the Good Shepherd. It also gave me the idea that the parables are excellent places to start in creating Pascha baskets full of meaning AND full of fun. The following are just suggestions of things that could be put in the basket. The key is to play with your child and talk about the parable and what it means to us.

Good Shepherd Basket

icon or icon card of the Good Shepherd

stuffed lamb

small plastic sheep and lambs

a farmer or shepherd figure

a small plastic wolf

a piece of green felt or velvet for a pasture

a small figure for a hireling or farmhand

edible Easter grass (I actually saw this at Target)

lamb/sheep themed treats

a book about the Good Shepherd or about sheep in general

The Sower Basket

packets of seed

raw veggies

carrot, produce shaped treats

small garden tools

icon of the sower

book of the parable

flower pots or watering can

toy birds

garden game

The Banquet Basket

a fancy tea set or dishes

a very fancy glass cup (small) like a goblet

party hat or tiara (remember the one who wasn't dress appropriately?)

icon of a banquet or the Last Supper

favorite treats

book about the parable or on manners or hospitality

The Prodigal Son Basket

Figures of Father and two sons

Plastic pigs and stye

unpopped popcorn still on the cob (represent pig food)

chocolate coins or play money = inheritance

a stuffed calf or plastic calf (father killed the fatted calf for the son)

a ring or something symbolic of a parent's love for the child - maybe something related to your family

a pair of inexpensive shoes like flip flops

I think as the child gets older, more could be done with Bible stories, Passover, and more theologically complex ideas. The key to it all will be the interaction with the parent.

Four Years Old

2010-03-13T18:14:00.006-09:00

Playing with her new playmobile travel castle

Bought with birthday money from Uncle Ben

Birthday Bling

My sad attempt at making gumdrop stars and cacti on the cupcakes.

Cowboy food

Emma with such a sweet face

Franny really liked the chocolate icing.

Wearing a hat made by Mrs. Dittbrender

Nectarios found the books of course.

Demetrios was sticking close by big brother.

Nicole and Miriam

Remembering Sy

2010-03-04T12:52:00.004-09:00

Coming into the Feldman family was an experience very different from growing up in my own big clan. The circumstances of Bob's and my courtship and marriage at our time of life did not allow me to meet most of his family until after we were married. But I could not have asked for a more gentle welcome from his father, Sy.

As I listened to Sy speak to my mother on the telephone when Bob first visited Maryland, I realized that they both came from an age of gentility and kindness that we have lost in our busy world. Sy did not just practice surface civility, but had a deep compassion for those around him. He accepted a daughter-in-law (who was from a different faith, different political values, and who was basically an unknown element) with open arms and always did his best to make me feel welcome in his house.

His love for his own children was always evident. Bob and he talked at least once a week on the telephone. They had many debates over science, religion, and politics, but those debates always had a resolution based in mutual respect and love for each other. I see Sy's own gentlemanly attitude in my husband daily. Sy always sought to protect and provide for his own family. Bob has done the same for us as well as always showing such a gentleness of spirit. It took such a man to raise my man to be the wonderful person he is.

Although she did not get to see him much, Miriam benefited greatly from her grandfather's love. She enjoyed making videos for him to watch her grow up these last four years. He and Pat sent her wonderful books and handed down Celia's little violin so that she could experience the instrument that so many in the family love. He always asked what she was up to when he called. I could not ask for a better grandfather for my daughter.

Sy was also a man who appreciated all the majesty and beauty of our world. He loved music and handed that down to his children and grandchildren. His love of science has had a lasting influence on all in his family as well as his students. When Bob visited him a couple of weeks ago, he sent many of his beautiful rock and fossil specimens to Miriam. He would have enjoyed hearing that she has been making trilobite fossils out of play dough for the last couple of days and calling them "so cute." He set an example of never losing the wonder at the physical world and the creativity of man.

Learning to Read

2010-02-15T10:34:00.003-09:00

I am learning that teaching a pre-schooler to read takes a lot of discernment. Miriam learned her alphabet so quickly that I sometimes have to force myself not to expect her to read overnight. She is only just turning four, so we want this process to be fun and very low stress. Although she is still shy about trying to read the Bob books on film or in front of others, she agreed to make this little video for Granddad.

Meyer Lemons

2010-01-08T16:26:00.002-09:00

The first time I heard of a Meyer Lemon was in a cookbook called The Blue Ribbon Preserving Book. I was thumbing through and saw a recipe for canning Meyer Lemon curd. I figured a lemon is a lemon, so made the recipe with regular lemons. It was delicious! Is there comfort food better than lemon curd on a fresh homemade scone just out of the oven and a hot cup of tea? I think not...

Anyway, my first adventure into curd making was a mixed bag. I put some right away into the refrigerator. That sample was fine. Then, I tried to pressure preserve the rest. I think I allowed the pressure to go to high because it all curdled and overflowed the canning jars. Yuck! Useless lemon curd and a big mess to boot.

I still had not delved into the area of Meyer lemons and did not know the difference. When we landed in Anchorage mid-afternoon after our more than 10 hours traveling from the east coast, we had the insane idea of doing our Costco shopping while we were "in town." It just so happened that Costco had Meyer lemons in the usual warehouse amount. I snapped them up, and they have been sitting prettily on my hutch for over a week.

A Meyer lemon happens to be a cross between a regular lemon and a mandarin orange. Their peel is very slightly darker than a regular lemon. The real difference is when you cook with them. Today, I got out what I needed to make the lemon curd minus the pressure cooker. I am not going to bother with that again. I can eat it fast enough without preserving. I will probably share some as well.

When I started to peel them, the citrusy aroma the erupted from the lemon was wonderful! Much more potent than a regular lemon. It definitely has hints of orange in it. The lemons were also incredibly juicy, far more so than the regular lemons I have used in the past. The juice is very slightly less tart, but not much. It definitely is more lemon than orange.

I still followed the recipe from Blue Ribbon Preserving, but added a little trick I saw on Martha Stewart's website. Instead of just letting the sugar-zest combination sit for awhile, I first crushed the mixture in a mortar and pestle to release the lemon oil. Then, I let it sit just while I did the rest of the recipe.

Early samples are wonderful! I will have to make some scones this weekend, IF I have time. I still have lemons left. I was going to make Cook's Illustrated's cream cheese pound cake, but Bob has requested homemade marmalade. He is more of a marmalade person - should I begin to call him Paddington - than a curd person. I think it is the term "curd" which sets a certain tone to the experience.

Girls and Horses

2009-12-04T18:56:00.005-09:00

Miriam and Hannah getting ready to go riding.

Uncle Gary helping Miriam feed Malika.

Miriam looking up at Malika while the horse is being groomed and saddled.

Miriam riding with a little help from Hannah's trainer, Donna.

Hannah leading Malika.

Loving cousins

Why We Remember Hanukkah

2009-12-02T15:19:00.003-09:00

Why in the world would an Orthodox Christian family buy a Menorah, light Hanukkah candles, eat Latkes, and play dreidle? After all, no matter what someone 's ethnic or religious past, we are Orthodox Christians now, right? Don't we have enough feast days already?

So, in case someone asks, here are our reasons...

1. The Lord Jesus observed it. In the book of Matthew, it recounts that "it was winter, and the Feast of Dedication, and Jesus walked in the temple." It is important for us to raise our child with an awareness that Christianity did not just get invented. It grew out of a living tradition. In fact, this Tradition is what sets Orthodoxy apart. It is a continuation of what God began in the beginning, not something new. Does that mean that we are obliged to follow all the law? Not at all! But allowing our child to understand this gives us all a context for instruction. We read books about other observances as well.

2. Just like I enjoy celebrating Saint Lucia's Day because of my ethnic background, I enjoy at least giving a nod to the Jewish feasts because of Bob's ethnic background. My grandmother and mother raised me to have a keen interest in Judaism and prayed for the Jewish people and Israel on a regular basis. The interest is not new.

3. The story is in the book of Maccabees, in the Apocrypha, part of the Orthodox Bible. Again, another opportunity to learn about God's miraculous intervention in the lives of His people in a generations.

4. It is good to understand other religious even when they (in our view) may be incomplete. This creates respect and true understanding in the communities in which we live.

5. All God's miracles are significant and teach us something. Years ago, in the Christian school where I was teaching, two teachers were doing an interdisciplinary unit on reproduction and moral purity. The science teacher taught the biology part. The Bible teacher the moral part. The Bible curriculum was the Old Testament Kings and Prophets. How do you integrate that? Well, the teacher taught about the temple, how it was holy and set apart for God. She compared that to ourselves, how we should be holy and set apart. One day, that teacher came to me and said that she was troubled because one of the girls in the class had been abused in the worst way as a child. How could she teach this girl about keeping her body holy when she felt that type of violation? I suggested she share the story from Maccabees. The enemy came in and desecrated God's temple, but God, through the Maccabees and His own miraculous intervention, took back the temple, cleaned it up, rededicated it and brought His light there again.

We do not celebrate or learn about Jewish feasts because we have to or have some notion that we are under the Law. We just feel we have the freedom to celebrate our family's ethnic heritage as well as learn about the Ancient Tradition that grew to fulfillment in the Living Tradition of the Orthodox church.

Homemade Advent

2009-12-01T10:47:00.003-09:00

While visiting California, I went shopping with my sister-in-law in the beautiful little town of Petaluma. It has all those nice little boutiques where I love to window shop as well as really shop at this time of year. It was the day after Thanksgiving, so, of course, all the displays were related to Christmas and Advent. Advent is probably my favorite long season of the year. I love the anticipation of the upcoming Feast. As a child, the preparations the weeks before Christmas, both at home and at church, heightened the joy and excitement.

One fond memory I have of this time of year was having an Advent calendar. I even have a small collection of them. But as the youngest of eight children, I remember having homemade Advent calendars that were lovingly crafted by my mother. They were not anything Martha Stewart would put on her show. They were simple, frugal, and fun, usually made out of poster board and recycled Christmas cards. (By the way, Christmas cards were also recycled to be used as homemade gift tags and decorations on Christmas packages.)

This year, I have gone a step up from poster board since I already had purchased a blank calendar poster which we are reusing each month, but the rest is very similar to what I remember as a child. Special days are highlighted in some way. Each day, Miriam will put a small Christmas related picture or word from a card onto that day's date.

It is amazing how many "special days" there are for our family this year. The Feasts of Saints Nicholas and Herman, Colony Christmas (a family tradition), the day we fly out...one of these years, I am going to add Saint Lucia's Feast. I don't know if she is recognized as a saint in the Eastern church, but I will look that up. My family has Swedish routes, and I have found memories of learning about this patron saint of Sweden and eating Swedish tea rings. So much to celebrate as we approach the glorious remembrance of God becoming Man.

Facebook Debates

2009-11-18T22:32:00.002-09:00

I like debate too much. I know I do. Actually, it is a love-hate relationship. I grew up in a household where debates could become so volatile that there was sometimes shouting and slamming doors. I found that kind of debate rather upsetting, would sneak out the backdoor, usually crying, go across the street to my grandmother's house and get comforted. The problem was not the discussion, but the emotions and the tendency to hold onto a position - to win- at whatever the cost.

I even remember trying to prepare for a debate for school on gun control. I apparently took the wrong side. I was going to argue for some controls. I was subjected to having to sit on the piano bench and listen to the correct arguments for absolutely no gun control until I was in tears. Why was I in tears? Because I was losing the argument. I could not argue back. I didn't have enough knowledge. The fact that the other side was badgering me is at least partially besides the point. I was not prepared to argue my side effectively and without emotion.

So, along comes Facebook. I hadn't had any good debates for awhile since I moved away from the debating gene pool around my mother's dining room table. My husband and I will occasionally disagree, but not that often. He is more of a peacemaker than I am. So when I am suddenly reconnected to the lower 48 and to old high school classmates in such an immediate manner, I gleefully get lost in the political issues being posted. Ah ha...people on the other side of the spectrum. Perhaps...just perhaps...I can demonstrate to them that Conservatives are not stupid, back woods, religious nuts like they want to believe, nor are they greedy, corporate overlords. I know that not all of them believe that, but I see that a significant portion who seem to just radiate with hate towards people who hold the positions I do.

My husband warned me. "You can not reason with these people. It is a matter of the heart. They are spiritually blind." But I point out that there are those who do not seem to radiate that hatred and who are willing to discuss things reasonably. He just shakes his head at me. He is going to let me bite the dust on this one.

Of course, he is correct. Some people can reasonably debate without calling names at the other side. But there are many who can not. They are part of a culture that glories in attacking the person, not the position or belief. But when you try to point out the ugliness of the other side, you are going to get stomped upon.

Does that mean that we allow ourselves to be silenced? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, it becomes useless to continue because the other person is not hearing the message we are sending. They are hearing through a filter of their own beliefs or prejudices. I recently read a blog post that quoted a monk as saying when confronted with debaters say, "Yes" if you agree, and "I don't know about that" if you don't. This preserves humility. I understand this.

But on the other hand, we live in times where our country is struggling with its very identity. We have a nation built on certain freedoms, speech being one of them. If I allow myself to be silenced all the time, how is that freedom to be preserved.

It is a case for discernment that only comes from the Holy Spirit. Lord, help me to know when to keep my mouth shut, my fingers still, and Facebook turned off. Help me to know when to speak a word in season, in love and in humility. Help my objective to not be winning, but sharing the truth in love.

Pumpkin Memories

2009-11-12T15:21:00.005-09:00

Pumpkin Stew

One of the autumn traditions that my family had when I was a girl was to head out to Valley View Farms in Timonium, Maryland on a Sunday afternoon to buy pumpkins. It was one of the few places that Mom didn't mind going to on the Lord's Day a couple of times a year. I loved the anticipation of driving north to a place that was basically a farmer's market to participate in a great event. You see, at Valley View Farms, you paid a flat rate for as many pumpkins as one person could carry. We would put ours in a wagon until we got to the check-out line, then load up my brother, Ben who had the long arms and muscles to carry quite a lot. Sometimes, my sister, Patricia would take a load. The scene of the huge mound of pumpkins still is clear in my head along with the taste of the sweet fresh apple cider going down my throat.

Thus, began a love affair with pumpkins. I don't know why I love pumpkins. Maybe it is just the central point of my love of autumn. The color is just so spectacularly happy and warm. The smell baking in the oven is mouth-watering. Although we had a jack-o-lantern in our childhood home at Halloween, most of the pumpkins went to processing for the holiday's pumpkin pies. All the adult, or near adult ladies, would work together to clean out, peel, boil, and then puree the golden pumpkin flesh in the blender. Then, into the freezer to await those pumpkin pies. Did you know that pies made that way even have a different color then those made from Libby's canned variety? Sometimes, some pumpkin bread joined the tradition as well.

Now I know there are a lot more uses for pumpkin. I was once watching The Two Fat Ladies on PBS. They were creating a meal surrounding a pig roast in Jamaica. One of them said in that wonderful British accent as they prepared some pumpkin, "The Americans cook this into some kind of nasty pie for pudding." (meaning dessert) I thought, "What else do you do with it?" Well, they cooked it into some kind of side dish. So, when I got married, my husband encouraged me to find a variety of pumpkin recipes since he is not a big pie person. Since then, I have made the following:

pumpkin chocolate chip cookies
pumpkin cake
pumpkin muffins
pumpkin bread
pumpkin madeleines
pumpkin soup
pumpkin stew
pumpkin as a squash side dish
and of course,
pumpkin pie

I thought a good pre-Thanksgiving exercise for this blog would be to post my pumpkin recipes, especially since I am still in the process of processing our very abundant pumpkin harvest. (Thanks be to God!) I still want to try homemade pumpkin ice cream, Thai pumpkin curry, and pumpkin cheesecake. But today, we start with a classic. Thanks to Walmart for putting the following recipe on their sugar pumpkins. I have renamed it though.

Not Your Mother's Pumpkin Pie
(no reflection on Mom's excellent pie)

Cut a small sugar pumpkin in half.
Clean out seeds and strings.
Place in a baking dish flesh down with about 1/2 inch of water.
Bake at 350 for about 1 1/2 hours.
Scoop out flesh and mash or process until smooth.
Drain if too watery.
Beat together until just smooth:
1 1/3 c smooth pumpkin,
* 1 1/3 c. sweetened condensed milk,
1 egg,
1 1/4 tsp. cinnamon,
1/2 tsp. nutmeg,
1/2 tsp. ginger,
1/4 tsp cloves,
1 c. hot water.
Pour into 9 inch pie shell.
Bake @ 375 for 55 to 65 minutes
Cool and enjoy.

*The best part of any recipe.

Winter Parties in Alaska

2009-11-08T20:45:00.006-09:00

Although there has been no snow - stupid, unproven global warming - we had a great time at a name day party given by our friends, the Catletts. The party was to honor the feasts of Saint Nectarios and Saint Demetrios. My favorite part of this video is when Miriam's friend, Demetrios, helps her skate. What a great thing to do on your name day!

Apathy for a Nation

2009-11-05T15:28:00.004-09:00

When I was a senior in public high school, we had just come out of the Reagan years. It seemed like conservative Christians were finding a political voice that had not been there before. Perhaps, it was because I was at a time in my life where "issues" were important and at the forefront of life. A time when I was thinking and examining what I really believed and whether those things would really effect the way I lived. The one political issue that weighed the most on my mind and heart was that of abortion.

I remember being in a philosophy type class - Images and Ideas. Various topics were debated there, and I enjoyed the class more than any other I had taken. Then it came time to discuss the abortion issue. This was my topic. Normally a quiet student, I was determined to somehow present the pro-life cause clearly to my classmates. I was rather idealistic at the time as well. I asked the teacher if I could have a counselor from a Crisis Pregnancy Center come in. She agreed. I wasn't totally pleased with the way the pro-life side was presented because a few girls in the class were deeply grieved and had to leave the room. I felt so bad for them and even a little guilty for having exposed them to disturbing photos and descriptions. After all, I did not know their personal histories.

Then, came the day to choose sides for the debate. I vividly remember the teacher saying. "All those who are pro-choice go to this side of the room. Those undecided in the middle. Those pro-life on the left." I was the only one on the left. I thought to myself, "O.K., you can do this." Then, two guys who were often my philosophical opponents and open atheists said they would help. I remember one saying, "She is so quiet. She can't do this alone." They did their best to help me out, and I still appreciate their camaraderie in helping out an ideological opponent.

I wanted to present the pro-life case in a clean, logical, philosophical argument without any of the blood and guts so often used to protest abortion. I still prefer that method. Abortion, at its heart, is a redefining of humanity. In order to support abortion of any kind, you have to believe that the embryo or fetus is something other than fully human. Otherwise, no one can deny that the procedure is murder. Perhaps you can argue that it is euthanasia when the mother's life is in danger or the fetus is severely handicapped, but for those of us who hold life sacred, it is still murder. Is murder ever clean and philosophical? No. It is horror.

That doesn't mean that I think displaying signs of aborted children is appropriate where someone else's child might see it. But we as adults should feel grieved and horrified - not clinically detached from this act.

Despite this post, I find that I have become somewhat apathetic about the topic. That frightens me. I found myself today reading that the health care bill will pay for abortions, and the thought crossed my mind that we pay for things all the time that are immoral. I feel that there is nothing that can be done about it. It is a done deal. I know how the Germans must have felt in the 1940's when they saw their neighbors carted away. It is our law. There is nothing we can do about it. Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy on our nation.

History of Christmas

2009-11-04T08:04:00.004-09:00

After seeing a post on Facebook challenging Christians about whether Christmas is actually a Christian holiday or not, I found this great article. It supports my husbands belief that the Church has ALWAYS taken the world's celebrations and transformed them into celebrations of Christ...and that is NOT a bad thing!

My view is let's stop the ridiculous arguing about whether or not to have a Christmas tree or even celebrate at all and proclaim the Nativity of Christ with all the joy and reverence and truth that we can muster. What better time to let the light of Christ shine!

Dress Up

2009-10-30T15:24:00.004-08:00

Playing Bo Peep

Making honey - did you know it has ketchup in it?

Our honey bee
The costume was given in a bag of hand-me-downs when Miriam was born.
I rediscovered it in the basement.

A friend gave Miriam some of her old dress up clothes which are enjoyed at least a couple of times a week.

The Other Uses for Vodka

2009-10-28T14:48:00.004-08:00

No, I do not mean having a good stiff one after reading the last post and all the comments that went with it. ;-) (Debate is better for the soul than vodka, I think.)

I DO mean using it as a baking ingredient. We are big fans of Cook's Illustrated magazine and website. Many of the recipes are just droolers...the kind you look at, drool over the picture, but are soooo complicated that you are discouraged from trying them if you have anyone under ten under foot. Some have turned out to be great standbys and the tips are wonderful. About a year ago, the magazine gave a tip concerning pie crust. Sometimes, when you are trying to roll out, the crust is a bit crumbly and not coming together just right. If you add too much water, it becomes tough and not the perfect melt-in-your- mouth sensation you want at the Thanksgiving table. So, instead of water, use vodka. It is perfect! Vodka evaporates very quickly, so does not toughen the dough. It does not leave any flavor and allows you to get that perfect consistency by sprinkling it on as needed.

The next alternative use for this wonderful spirit refers to the picture above. I know it looks like some odd, mad scientist experiment, but it is actually an attempt to make my own vanilla extract. Someone in my family apparently did this, and I heard about this summer. I couldn't remember all the details, but then Cook's had the process in their September/October issue. I had quite a view leftover vanilla beans. I buy them in bulk over the internet, because they are sinfully expensive up here. I can buy a dozen on line for one at Fred Meyer. All you do is split and scrape a vanilla bean into a container that can be sealed. Canning jars are great, especially since they look so nice one one's spice shelf. Then, pour over the bean and seeds 3/4 cup of hot vodka. Seal it up, and give it a shake every day for a week. Cook's Illustrated rated it against what you can buy in the store. It turned out to be far superior. This would be a great experiment for kids as well. After all, cooking is chemistry!

After starting my vanilla last night, I found that I need to buy more vodka. Now, I love to bake, but I haven't made that many pies in the last year. Perhaps the house elves have been getting into it. Someone must have take a few "samples". Hmm....